Category: Words

The situation at home has escalated from sitting in a quiet house with the lights on to sitting in a quiet house in the dark staring into space. Apparently I really did need to take a few days off to recharge my introvert thingie. I only took one. Then someone cute wanted to have dinner. It seemed like a good idea at the time, and we did enjoy ourselves. It was worth it. 

I certainly can’t say I didn’t have any warning. 

But now I remember what happens when I don’t do what I know I need to do. 

It’s not that I’m unhappy or anxious or upset or emotional or overwhelmed or anything in particular. I’m just..tired, I guess. Shut down, maybe. It’s hard to describe. It’s not a bad feeling, necessarily. Squeaky Cat likes it because it means I am sitting down and he can sit next to me with his head on my feet and purr. 

There are worse things.

I have no plans for the rest of the week. My introvert thingie will catch up. 

Maybe I should have some more tea. 

I prefer many things that I haven’t mentioned here
to many things I’ve also left unsaid.
–Wislawa Szymborska/Possibilities

Normally, once I’ve been at home for an hour or two and settled in, I turn on music. Just something in the background while I read, write, cook dinner. For the last several weeks, I haven’t been doing it. Except for a couple of times when I’ve turned on the TV as a Netflix viewer to watch some movies, it has been quiet here. No television, no music, no talking.

It isn’t something that I did on purpose. It just sort of happened. 

It took me a few weeks to even notice the quiet.

Then I enjoyed it.

Then, this being me who we’re talking about, I started wondering about it. I’ve always been someone with the music on at all times. As a teen, and young adult, I even slept with music on sometimes. It was a change. Oooh! Something new for me to obsess about!

I think the music probably went off for  a combination of reasons.   Since I have been going out so much more, I seem to need more quiet at home.  I was out of the house every night this week. Talking to strangers. Talking to friends. I’m not used to that level of interaction in general,  and in particular I am not used to not meeting so many new people on a regular basis. It is a little stressful for me, even when it goes well. I’m enjoying it for the most part, but it tires me out mentally. Or is it emotionally?

The quiet may help me deal with it better. 

Or maybe it’s just my imagination. 

You’d think the quiet would be good for my imagination, too, but that doesn’t seem to be the case. 

In any case, whatever part of my brain is in charge of processing all of this verbal engagement seems to need more rest than it has been getting for the last for months. So it made me shut off the music. Maybe I can have it back if I stay home and do an introvert huddle for a few days. 

Sunday was day one. I enjoyed the day off thoroughly. I bought food. I watched a movie. I looked for a book to read and couldn’t find one. I shopped for men online, which is a very weird thing to say but describes online dating pretty well.  I finally did the dishes. I finally put a batch of cold extract in so I will have good coffee in the morning. I stared out the window a little. Signed up for a gym membership. Took a couple of pictures of the new hat Mom gave me. 

Not particularly productive, I suppose, but I don’t think productive was what I needed. 

I think what I needed was just to be quiet. 

So that is what I did.