Being infected by joy

The other day in fat camp we were talking about the human tendency to focus on the negative, and some possible biological reasons for it.

For instance, if you’ve almost been eaten by a grizzly, you really need to make sure you’ve learned a lesson or you may not survive the next time. So we’re wired by evolution to think about it. A lot. People who dwelled on these kinds of events tended to survive at a higher rate than people who stopped to smell the flowers or think about the beautiful blue sky. The happy bliss people got eaten. The ones worried about what might be pouncing on them didn’t.

We evolved so it was beneficial to us to push away the positive thoughts to focus on the negative ones.

One of my fellow campers mentioned that sometimes in the middle of a really joyful time, he felt himself pulling back emotionally so the moment would end on a happy note, before it could be ruined. He said it was like getting infected with joy. I loved the phrase, but didn’t like the way he’d used it.

To me, letting yourself be infected with joy means stopping and taking note of all the wonderful things around us. The large ones, but mostly all of the small ones. How wonderful your coffee smells, especially if it was roasted by someone who loves you (thanks, Rocky) or how good a pint of IPA can taste at the end of the day. The feel of sunlight on your face.

According to this dude Richard Hanson, who did a TED talk on it (linked down below), positive experiences don’t have the same emotional impact because the memories use different neural pathways involving short term memory. You can rewire your brain though, if you get into the habit of dwelling on small stuff in life that’s positive and forcing it into the same neural pathways the bad stuff takes. He called it hardwiring happiness.

I like being infected by joy better, but I am not a neural psychology expert, so what do I know? Anyway, it turns out there is a scientific basis for the benefits of noticing how good coffee smells. It isn’t just a bunch of hooey!

All you have to do, he says, is notice small good things and dwell on them. Mmm coffee. Mmm beer. Dwell on these small good things for least 10 seconds to fire up the neurons that wire them into long term memory. Do it often. It feels good, and it makes you a happier person over time because it helps reverse our evolutionary bias towards negativity by building happier neural pathways. That was summarized, because it was a little more sciencey than I like to get.

People who practice this sort of daily mindful activity tend to have more active brains and an increased ability to focus.

Another great side effect is that happier people attract people to them. That results in an increased feeling of community and teamwork. You know what that leads to? A happier, easier, more pleasant life.

Which makes you happier.

Which draws people to you.

Which makes your life happier still.

It’s the opposite of a vicious circle–it’s being infected by joy.

Noticing good things feeds love. It makes us more compassionate and understanding. It makes our lives better.

And it’s science!

I love science.

And the smell of popcorn.

Ted talk by Richard Hanson.
Hardwiring Happiness

To do and to don’t

Why do you have to say that there’s always someone
who can do it better than I can?
But don’t you think that I know that walking on the water
won’t make me a miracle man?
–Elvis Costello/Miracle Man

Now that everyone has finished with their resolutions for the new year, I am considering my own plans for continued self improvement. I’ve been doing really well on increasing my tequila intake, but it seemed like there might be a few other areas in which I am less than optimal. Here is what I have come up with so far:

1. Stop expecting people to act the way you think they should

2. Eat more veggies

3. Don’t be a nutcase too often

4. Take people at face value

5. Be more coherent.

6. Call your mother more often

7. Be succinct.

8. When you fail at being succinct, at least try not to be boring

9. Do something different on a regular basis

10. Learn when to cut your losses and bail

11. Don’t be afraid to be a freak

12. Be less attached to your comfort zone at work

13. Learn to cook some new stuff

14. Write more. Actually, just write better

15. If you can’t manage better, keep writing anyway

16. Maybe stop writing long enough to get some exercise now and then

17. Learn to ice skate

18. Get more tattoos

19. Stop referring to yourself as a dumbass. Yes, motherfucking dumbass also counts

20. You need another pair of boots

21. Love people more

22. Even the dumbfucks

23. Yes, that is really hard

24. Make sure you always have plenty of black eyeliner

As you can see, I am not backing away from the really hard emotional work. I’ve had trouble with dumbfucks for my whole life. I may not be successful with everything on the list, but I am going to give it a try. Right after I have a cocktail.

Cheers, y’all!

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Special thanks and a very happy birthday to Kelly for giving me the gift of Elvis back in the ninth grade. Love you, KelBel!

Fun, fun, fun

I’d like to join the party
But I was not invited

Why are we racing to be so old?
–Elvis Costello/Two Little Hitlers

As it turns out, sometimes not getting what you want can be a blessing in disguise. We have probably all figured that out on our own.

Not being invited to parties in High School may have been like that for me. It wasn’t fun to be the smart girl in High School who never got invited to any of the stuff the cool kids were doing, but it kept me more or less out of trouble and kept a rein on the amount of booze I ingested. I still managed to get into a fair amount of mischief, but it was a very reasonable amount. An amount that I could handle. It worked out. I did my more serious partying in college when I was probably better able to moderate my intake and not drive drunk.

I didn’t do so much partying in my thirties, and I’m not really sure why that is. Partly because of personal issues causing me to retreat into a massive shell that it took me a long time to dig out of. Partly, possibly, from a mis-guided effort to be a grownup. Grownups, you know, don’t carry on and carouse. They stay home and do, I don’t know, grown up things. Grow old and bored, mostly.

Well.

That is no longer how things work around here, and hasn’t been for quite a while. I have long since gotten over any hesitation I may have had to have a good time. I’m going to be old soon enough, but why does that mean I can’t still have fun? Short answer: it doesn’t. I can have as much fun as I want to because I am a grown up. Not in spite of it, because of it!

Now that I’m older (so much older) I’m sure my liver is a little unhappy with me. I keep giving it tequila and IPA. I’m sure it expected my good times to go way down when I hit 50, but that doesn’t seem to be happening.

Wait ’til it hears what we’ve got planned for it at retirement!

My liver is NOT going to be happy with me.