Category: Words

Tell me?
Yes, sir
Have you, in fact, got any cheese here at all?
Yes, sir
Really?
No, not really, sir

You haven’t?
No, sir, not a scrap
I was deliberately
Wasting your time, sir

Well, I’m sorry, but I’m going
To have to shoot you
–Monty Python/The Cheese Shop Sketch

Some people enjoy a good argument. Some people enjoy any argument at all, even the most irrational.
I myself have been known to argue about various things just to be a pain in the ass. Hard to believe, I know.

A while back I was very fond of a certain knitting web site. Yes, I really do know how to have a good time. Anyway. On the site, they had a discussion board that was initially about knitting but eventually became a general debate board when the owners got so many complaints about a particularly nasty thread about pinny porn which ended up turning into a brawl about subservient feminine roles in religion and child abuse. Long story. Yes, I said knitting site.

I seldom participated in the proceedings, but over time some topics stood out as repeat offenders. These were the topics that would always degenerate into mayhem and nastiness no matter how hard the person starting a thread promised it would be different this time.

Copyright
Circumcision
Being childless
Breast feeding
Vaccinations.
Really, anything about children
Welfare
Mormons
Weight

The knitters among you are nodding in recognition about copyright but everyone else might be a little confused how a discussion about copyright could possibly get out of control. Well, it’s really something. Knitters often use patterns. Those patterns are typically copyrighted. People tend not to consider copyright when making copies of patterns for their friends or when selling items made from the patterns. It’s understandable that it would need explaining. What always caused heated discussion was when people would try to justify why it was OK for them to disregard he rules.

Knitters, it turns out, are quite the scofflaws when it comes to copyright, which is clearly only meant to apply to other people.

The discussions about children were also particularly vicious. One discussion about circumcision had one knitter accuse another of supporting the torture and mutilation of infants because her religion required her to have her son circumcised.

In another case, a woman who claimed to be a happily “submitted” wife and mother mentioned spanking her son with a switch whenever he was disobedient. At some point, knitters who read her personal blog managed to figure out where she lived and called Child Protective Services regarding child abuse.

The discussions were normally characterized by a mob mentality. On other topics, the same knitters were capable of very intelligent conversation, but when children or copyright were involved there was often a spectacular lack of common sense and basic civilized behavior.

Which made it fun to watch.

The last time I visited the site , there had just been a moderator coup. A new regime is currently running the board, and the drama has radically decreased.

I’ll miss being able to count on them for some verbal fireworks.

The website is called Ravelry.

 Very superstitious, writing’s on the wall
Very superstitious, ladders ’bout to fall

–Stevie Wonder/Superstition

 

He’ll sting you with his dreams of power and wealth.
Beware of Scorpio!
His twisted twin obsessions are his plot to rule the world
And his employees’ health.

–The Simpsons/Scorpio

 

According to astrology, I’m supposed to see things in black and white because I’m a Scorpio.  While it’s true that there are some things I am indeed very categorical about, for the most part I tend to see everything in a dizzying array of shades of gray.

Even more sides than there really are.

Not only the what-ifs, but the even-ifs.

The should-haves and shouldn-t-haves.

The don’t evers.

The alwayses.

We all have to do some of this. It’s called making a decision. But sometimes it’s mental paralysis waiting to happen. I am  good at making decisions.  Ask my husband. Somehow even when I know exactly what I’m going to do, I still have to take at least another quick look at the options.

And then go with plan A as originally scheduled.

 

But don’t worry, other sides– I see you out there.

Waiting to trip me up!

I also used to be a  big fan of arguing all sides of an argument at once. For some reason, this made people unhappy with me. People really want you to only make the argument that you actually believe in. Baiting people is mean, so I mostly stopped doing it.

Sometimes, though…it’s just fun.

 

“She’s beautiful,’ he murmured.
‘She’s a metre across the hips, easily,’ said Julia.
‘That is her style of beauty,’ said Winston.”

–George Orwell/1984

 

“Jon: Have you seen the wall?

Sam: I’m fat, not blind.”

–George RR Martin/A Game Of Thrones

 

This will be fun for everyone. Let’s talk about being fat!

To start with, I’m going to establish one thing which to me is fact: the word fat is not inherently pejorative. It is a word that describes an excess of weight. Kind of a loaded word, though, innit?

So what? Well, for one thing, in my world, just because someone says you are fat it does not make them a bully.  If there is a power differential, maybe. Just using the word to describe someone who is, in fact, fat? Not bullying. Alluding to someone’s fatness in conversation? Not bullying. Most of the time, if someone calls you fat it’s because they are an asshole. Not because they are a bully.  Why is that distinction important to me?  Because although all bullies are assholes, not all assholes are bullies.

I think we all know that most people who call you fat are doing it unnecessarily.  It’s usually  meant to hurt your feelings. I said the word isn’t automatically a pejorative and that  using it doesn’t automatically mean you’re a bully, but I didn’t say it was an easy word to hear. If you call someone fat, you are probably a douche canoe unless you are their healthcare provider. If someone is fat, trust me, they have figured it out. They don’t need you to let them know. You aren’t giving them a helpful hint. You are being one of the assholes I mentioned in the previous paragraph.

Why is unkind?  I have yet to have someone call me fat who meant it as a compliment.   A lot of people find a larger body beautiful, and I certainly have never had any trouble getting dates when I was single,  but they tend not to say “boy are you fat, I love it” when they compliment you.  People who think that you’re beautiful just say that they think you’re beautiful. Or maybe focus on a particular part they especially like. I’ve never been thin, but I would guess it works the same way for thin people. “Wow, you’re so skinny, I can count all your ribs” is probably not considered very complimentary either.

In other words, there is really no reason to tell anyone that they are fat. Or skinny. Or short or tall.

If I make the statement that I am fat, on the other hand, it is not because I hate myself. I am, by any objective criteria, fat. Obese, in fact. I also have brown eyes.  In no way are they inferior to blue. I also have brown hair and don’t wish it was blonde. Fat does not have anything to do with my relative value as a person. My strengths, weaknesses and odd personality are what make me “me”, not so much my body size. Would I like being smaller? Sure, but it’s not a big deal for me. I’m kind of cool. Guys dig me.  If I was thin, I wouldn’t be able to handle the influx of attention.

Here’s where it gets a little dicey.

In my opinion, most people who are fat could do something about it if they wanted to. Most. Not all. Note that I said “if they wanted to” and “could” not “should.” If people want to be fat, it is up to them. Maybe they’re happy that way. A lot of us are. On the other hand, I hear a lot of people who complain about not being able to lose weight. Typically I hear it while they are putting triple creme cheese in their mouths.

Losing weight is not complicated. If you eat 3500 fewer calories than your body needs to maintain its weight you will lose exactly one pound. You will. It’s science. Can I tell you how many calories your body needs to maintain its weight?  Yeah. That’s the catch. It depends. If you weigh 90 pounds and spend a lot of time in a recliner, you can gain weight by watching the Cooking Channel. If you are a muscular 300 pound athlete who works out 5 hours a day, you may actually have trouble getting enough food in you to avoid weight loss. I said it was simple, I never said it was easy. And calorie management is the easy part.

Science says that 3500 calories = 1 pound. Science also say that it is really hard to lose weight and keep it off.  You have to think about eating and exercising a lot. It’s kind of a hassle. You don’t get to eat everything you want whenever you want.

Having said that, does that mean that I think fat people are lazy  because they have apparently chosen to be fat instead of choosing to eat sensibly and exercise?  I consider myself lazy for a host of reasons. I could be exercising now, but I’ve been sitting at my desk writing for the last 600 words or so. I had fast food for dinner because it’s too hot to cook, and because I was too lazy. Also,  I just got my hair done and I’m looking too cute to get all sweaty at the gym.  It’s not that I’m not occupied–I’m writing, kind of–but it’s not like I’ve gotten off of my ass all day.  (Actually I do like to exercise. Why I don’t do more of it is a bit of a mystery to me) I think it’s fair to say that laziness can be a contributing factor to getting and staying fat for a lot of us.

In the Fat Wars, those are fighting words.  Those are words that, no matter how delicately you phrase them, get people all riled up. In the Fat Wars, it’s all about poverty and lack of education about nutrition and Big Food getting us addicted to salt and fat. It’s all about endocrine disorders, slow metabolisms and polycystic ovaries.  It’s all about a lack of sidewalks and sedentary jobs. Guess what, though? Most fat people don’t have a physical ailment that makes it difficult for them to lose weight.  I know a lot of fat people who are educated about food and who have plenty of money to buy it. Is it all Big Food’s fault? It isn’t. Do I think food companies invest a lot of money into getting us to buy and eat stuff that is flat out bad for us? Yes. Does that mean that it’s their fault I’m fat? No. It’s my own damn fault. I eat too much and I don’t exercise enough. No one forced me to buy fast food for dinner. I chose to. I have money for a gym membership, but chose to skip the gym because I wanted my hair to look cute.

In the Fat Wars, the argument skews very heavily towards totally exempting the actual fat person from any personal responsibility for their weight. That bothers me, even as I acknowledge their valid points about our increasingly sedentary society and our increasingly calorie dense processed diets. Ultimately, if being thin was a real priority for me, I would step away from the Doritos.

 

And I don’t.

Society is not to blame.