Category: Words

An imaginary conversation about having a cat on my foot

The cat is sleeping on my foot again. Make him quit. 

He weighs about 15 pounds. I’m pretty sure you can get him off your foot all by yourself. 

He’s snoring. I can’t read when he snores. 

It isn’t that loud. 

It’s like thunder. 

You can barely hear it. 

Quiet thunder. 

Put him on the floor and he’ll go sleep in his bed. 

He’ll give me a dirty look and squeak at me. 

Oh, the horror. 

Why does my life have to be so hard?

I’m surprised you haven’t signed up for Death With Dignity. 

It’s because I am a brave little soldier, even though I have a cramp in my foot. Ow, Kitty. Get off!

He squeaked at you, didn’t he?

Yes. I couldn’t help it. I had a cramp. I had to move my leg. 

Did he get down?

No, he’s waiting for me to tuck my feet back up on the couch again. 

A cat of great patience. 

He’s annoying as fuck. 

He loves you. 

He doesn’t either. He just loves the afghan I have on my lap. 

His $200 hand knitted merino wool cat rug?

It was supposed to be mine. It was awfully pretty when I made it. 

Yes it was. 

Stupid cat. 

Processing in process

What some take for magic at first glance
Is just sleight-of-hand depending on what you believe
Something gets lost when you translate
It’s hard to keep straight

Perspective is everything 
–Aimee Mann/Invisible Ink

  

There are times when there is a shit ton of stuff going on, and I just have to take a step back and breathe. As proud as I am of my ability to multitask, that ability really doesn’t apply to anything involving emotions and feelings. 

Damn it. 

Meeting people and trying to make connections is one of those things that is inherently feely, and I am just not cut out for serial dating and all of the figuring out of emotions that goes with it. I am cut out for either sleeping around without any sort of emotional connection or dating one person at a time with a full complement of them. It’s too hard to focus on multiples. 

And then, on a more prosaic/practical note–Wordpress has updated their blogging client and I can’t figure out why certain things are happening when I write. There is a visual wsywig editor that is inserting random formatting for no apparent reason. So if all of my future blogs are highlighted in gray. Well. I have no idea why. 

Sorry. 

I’ll try to figure out the html, but I just went out with someone I am pretty sure is gay. Who talked of nothing but parrots and RC planes. I am not sure I have enough mental force to troubleshoot html at this point.   

Where was I?

Right. Processing all of this.

Maybe I should read a book. Give my brain a rest. Think about poutine, back bacon and Inigo Montoya. I can figure out why the two guys I kind of thought were interested have totally disappeared but the guy with the parrot fetish is totally into me. 

Back soon. 

               

 

In which a Canadian warrior monk proposes to me on OKCupid

Sometimes things just happen.

This morning, as I drank my coffee before work, I checked my messages on OKCupid. There was a charming one from a guy in Victoria BC. He dug my fondness for ellipses, and my taste in books.

Canada is across the international dating line from Oregon, so normally I would have responded with something like “thanks, but no thanks,” but he seemed sweet and funny.  We started talking. About books. About how he used to be a paramedic, but now he does healing stuff like acupressure. About my having entirely too many imaginary boyfriends. About having Vancouver Island towed to the Oregon coast so we could have pizza together. We each ordered books that the other recommended.

Then he fired me for not liking the one episode of “the IT Crowd” I’ve ever seen. It’s a serious offense to some people. I responded by firing him for never having seen “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” or “Firefly.”

Then he proposed to me for having good grammar. Like you do.

At one point, he said that he’s a monk. A warrior monk. Well, that’s not something you hear everyday, so I didn’t quite know what to say.
I hope I didn’t accidentally say anything awful. It’s not like there’s a graceful way to recover from saying something like “are you kidding? Like in the show Kung Fu?” He could have been joking, but I don’t know. I liked the idea. It’s way more bad ass than being an accountant, and if it’s real..well..I guess I just really like the idea of there being such a thing.

It’s not often that you meet someone (even virtually) who maybe helps keep the world turning a bit.

 So now I have to look into this whole warrior monk thing. He says there are only a few of them in the world and their function is to collectively protect the balance of energy through meditation. And possibly the martial arts. Which is interesting but I have no idea how that would work. Or if he was just kidding. Or what would happen to all that xi if they missed a day. So I think I need to do some Googling. 

We sort of skipped right on past it, anyway.

He wondered if he should rescind his proposal until he knows for a fact that I am not a dude. I guess that means I won’t really be officially engaged until we get Vancouver Island towed to Oregon. What? I’m not driving all the way to Victoria! And what do you mean there is no way anyone is going to tow Vancouver Island down here?

People are interesting, don’t you think?

I’ve never been almost engaged to a stranger before, let alone a Canadian.

A warrior? That might be too much to hope for. I don’t think I’m the the type of person who attracts warriors…

And if I’d been more interested in being practical and less interested in seeing how someone thinks, the whole conversation would never have happened. Which would have been a pity.