An imaginary conversation about a missing post

Isn’t there going to be a post today?

I don’t think so.

There is always a post.

Pretty much always.

So why not today?

I’m too sick to finish any of the ones I’ve already started, and am not exactly motivated to start a new one.

You post all the time when you’re sick.

Well, not this time. Hugging a toilet and writing don’t go together.

Ewwwww.

You asked.

Feel better…

Working on it. Thanks.

At least there don’t have to be pictures.

There are definitely not going to be pictures. And don’t make me laugh.

So find a silver lining to gastroenteritis, positivity girl!

I get the bathroom completely to myself.

You really can find good in anything!

All you have to do is look.

An imaginary conversation about conversational rate delimiters

You haven’t been very talkative lately…

Haven’t I?

No. I’m used to hearing from you every day. That doesn’t happen any more. There are spaces in between. Don’t you have things you want to talk about any more?

Do you think I will ever run out of things I want to talk about with you?

I didn’t think so…

I never will.

So?

So…you know…

Know what?

What I keep telling you…

About me?

Uh huh. It isn’t talking about something with you if you don’t answer. It’s just me saying things at random.

I like hearing from you.

I like hearing from you, too, but I don’t.

Does that mean you won’t let me know what’s going on with you?

It means there is not a natural flow to things. It means I feel weird about it. It means I start to feel like I am being pathetic for saying anything at all. Then the delimiter kicks in.

Delimiter?

Delimiter. Something that sets a limit. The ones in cars or motorcycles set a maximum speed that cannot be exceeded.

A delimiter. How does that work in texting?

Well. It is sort of shame based.

Huh?

When I start to feel embarrassed for myself, then it makes me stop. For a while. I haven’t been able to find one that works absolutely. Not for you.

Embarrassed? Why would you be embarrassed?

Why wouldn’t I be? Talking at someone incessantly with no reply? Being a pest? It’s very embarrassing.

But I keep telling you that you aren’t bothering me. That I enjoy hearing from you. Don’t you believe me?

Not enough to….oh, fuck it. No. I find it hard to believe sometimes.

I know it’s hard for you. Can you be patient?

Not all the time. I try. The delimiter might keep me from being too annoying about it. Or it might just prolong the inevitable.

Which is?

The end.

There is not going to be an end.

No?

No.

You seem pretty sure of that.

I am.

Why?

Because I know it.

I’m glad one of us does. I hate it when it’s like this.

I don’t like it either.

You’d never know it from your lack of responsiveness…

Probably not.

So.

So?

Say something.

Something.

Asshole.

You love me.

Shut up.

You do.

Don’t.

Do.

I hate you.

That’s how I can tell.

Ugh. It’s hopeless.

Hopeful.

Shut up.

I thought you wanted me to talk?

Not if….(sigh)…I give up.

That’s better. Stop shaking your head like that.

You’re impossible.

You like it.

I kind of fucking do. Asshole.

Love you.

(Sigh)

Dream time

In the dream, I was walking past my car. It was parked in front of a school building. All of the doors were open, including the hatch, and the keys were sitting on the front seat. The car key was not the same as it was before. The ignition has been taped off with some sort of template, and the stereo is gone, replaced by a brass template stamped with the word “recycled.”

I closed all of the doors and windows.

I was confused and annoyed, because my car was supposed to be there for a general service which has nothing to do with the key or the stereo. I went inside to the service department, which looked suspiciously like the reception area outside the principal’s office in a grade school.

A service person walked by, and I asked him if he knew anything about what was going on with my car. He said that the lead guy mentioned that it was there because the stereo kept failing. I told him the stereo was fine, asked why the keys were replaced and he didn’t know. He took the new key out of my hand and said he saw a problem and while I tried to explain the the key was brand new and not mine, he got a huge power tool to replace a screw in the key fob. As he was kneeling down, someone opened the door next to him and knocked him over. He didn’t drop the key or lose any parts while he fell. I remarked that I was impressed by his ability to stick with a screw and he laughed.

He said he’d check with Ron about when my car would be ready. A friend tapped me on the shoulder and said he had saved me a seat in the waiting room, which looked a lot like a classroom. It had benches like pews instead of desks.

In the waiting room, we chatted. Suddenly, he shifted on the bench we we sharing so my hand was on his crotch and he kissed me in a way more than friendly way. A way I enjoyed immensely. Based on what I felt under my hand, he did as well. When we came up for air I whispered that he was crossing a line, and tried to move my hand. People were watching us. He put my hand back, kissed me again and mumbled something about not wanting to be in anyone’s pictures. I didn’t understand, but kissed back. He pressed my hand harder against him.

A mutual friend came up to us, put her hand on my shoulder and said “Facebook selfie! The dog will love this one!” and starting taking pictures of us with her phone.

And the kissing continued.

A man next to me asked me, in Persian, what “capably” means in English. I didn’t answer immediately because of the kissing, but my friend stopped and said I should answer because not answering was rude.

So I explained “capably”, and then got up to find out what was going on with my car.

The office wasn’t there anymore, so I wandered down hallways in the school. Each room had a pull down shelf outside of it, most of them contained mini-bars.

I never did find out why my stereo and keys were replaced. When I went back to my car, my friend was in the passenger seat waiting for me. Listening to music. I put the car in gear, and he picked up my hand, turned it over and kissed the inside of my wrist as we pulled out of the parking lot.

I woke up wondering why no one ever kisses the inside of my wrist and then fell back asleep wondering if there would be more kissing.

There was not.

Why not?

I like kissing…