Category: Words

How to be as happy as an 8 year old

It’s great to be 8!
–Lily

Be happy with who and where you are in life

Be a goofball when the spirit moves you

Read a book or ten or a thousand

Make up random stories about Evil Potatoes

Take those stories seriously

Remember that French Fries are Good

Don’t watch too much TV

If you don’t have anything to say, well, don’t

Don’t stay in one place for very long

Roll your eyes when people are silly

Wear a jingle bell necklace

Play it during Christmas carols

Jump up and down for no reason

Jump up and down when something exciting happens

Jump up and down because the Blazers are losing

Draw a lot of pictures

Make a moat out of your potatoes

Look at someone cross-eyed

Don’t be chicken

Be excited about the stuff you’re excited about

Slide on the wood floor in your stocking feet

Laugh really loud

Play the guiro frog after you’ve been sent to bed

Make up words to a song

Ask every question that comes to mind

Dance around the room while you sing it

Dance around the room any time you feel like it

Make sure to point out that the dining room would be a perfect ballroom if there was no pesky dining room table in it

Ask someone to make you a turkey dinner just because

Don’t be afraid to be bossy about decorating the Christmas tree

Take it totally for granted when people sing to you because why would you expect anything less

Go to sleep when you are sleepy, even if it means someone has to carry you to bed

Be totally charming without even thinking about it.

Make sure you wrap people around your finger really, really tightly

Lather, rinse and repeat

Have a Merry Christmas and let everyone know you love them

Is there ever really a good-bye?

Either you can leave the past behind
Or give me something to disconnect my mind
I sleep with my fists clenched tight
When I don’t lie awake all night
I guess time gave up the ghost too late
And the balance of our love
Very soon turns to hate
–E. Costello/Tears Before Bedtime

That whole situation sucks the life out of you. You need to focus on what breathes life into you…
–Paddy

Second chances seem like such a positive thing.

Forgiveness. Kindness. Trust. Faith.

No one really talks about the “yeah, but” though.

Yeah, but how do you really trust someone again who has done things that show you shouldn’t trust them?

Yeah, but how do you keep letting people into your life when they don’t want to do anything to bring you into theirs?

Yeah, but how do you believe that someone wants you in their life when they are completely unwilling to do anything to demonstrate that except say the words?

Yeah, but how can you be as open hearted and trusting as you need to be with a friend or lover if they can’t even answer a simple question like “what are you doing for Christmas?”

Yeah, but how many chances do you give someone before you realize that it isn’t going to work, and you can’t fix it by yourself?

Yeah, but…

I’ve learned that I really can forgive anyone nearly anything, except myself. That is something I have yet to master.

It’s silly too, because I haven’t done anything very wrong. I trusted someone a little too much. I accepted too little in return. I allowed myself to be a bit player in someone’s life when I knew I wanted to be in the middle of it. I gave someone too many chances to prove that they wanted the same thing.

You can’t change other people, but sometimes I feel like if I can change myself, I can be more accepting of an existing situation. More something. Maybe less something. Better. But why do I have to be different?

Obviously I don’t.

And I would do it all again. The definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result each time. Well, I don’t really expect a different result, but I do hope for one.

Yeah, but isn’t hope a good thing?

It is. Mostly. Sometimes, though, you just have to acknowledge that sometimes people don’t want the same thing as you do. You can have all the caring in the world on both sides, but if you don’t want the same thing it can’t work. Not unless one person is willing to bend.

Bending is fine. Bending is even good and necessary at times. But not at the cost of giving up things that are essential to you. In my case, I had to actually sit down and make a list in order to see just how far I was going to have to bend. It seems like it’s just too far. It seems like I have to give up too much. It seems like I’m not getting enough in return. It seems like I’m selfish for wanting more, though I know I am not. All I want is something real. Something I can trust.

Ultimately if I am at a point where I question every thing someone says or doesn’t say, then I don’t see much hope. It doesn’t even matter if I should or shouldn’t trust them. It doesn’t even matter why I don’t. The fact is, if I don’t trust someone, then there isn’t a solid foundation for the relationship. It’ll will crumble no matter what I do. It goes for any relationship.

It’s sucking up a lot of emotional energy at a time when I don’t have a lot to spare.

Yeah, but I still say I would do it all again?

Yeah. I would. In a heartbeat. If I am going to fuck something up, I would rather fuck it up by giving someone too many chances than no chance at all. Even if it hurts. I’d rather be wrong about trusting a few people than never trust anyone. If it hurts enough, even I will have to acknowledge that it won’t work for me.

If I love somebody, I hope I am always willing to give them a second chance, until it hurts enough that I have to let go. At least for a time. Until our needs are closer together, maybe. Until he wants to have something more than too close to nothing. Until I want less than I do. Who knows. I suspect nothing is ever permanent about this.

I’ll try harder to take my own advice to myself. I’ll try harder to take the very good advice offered by my friends. Focusing on what breathes life into me, and letting things go that don’t should make it easier.

If I can manage it.

If nothing else, I have a very good list of what I want that I can refer back to. I suspect it isn’t really goodbye at this point..I hope it isn’t even if I am the one pulling back.

A list of desirable attributes, or what do I want in a partner? Everything

Lately I have been having a hell of a time making up my mind about something. Assuming my expectations are unreasonable. Assuming I am wrong. Not really knowing what I want. Whenever I am faced with a decision and an answer isn’t obvious, I like to make a list. Or maybe I just like making lists in general. This one helped me sort some things out for myself.

What I was trying to figure out is what I want from a man. Most of these would apply to either a friend or a lover…but obviously some are intended for someone I’d be involved with on a very intimate level.

So what do I want? Everything, if I look at this list.

Someone who worries about me and wants to know I’m safe, even though he knows I can take care of myself.

Someone who will tell me what he wants. Even if he is afraid I won’t like it.

Someone who is willing to discuss things. Even hard things.

Someone who doesn’t play games with the difference between factual and honest.

Someone who can simultaneously love me for my independence while making me feel like I am all his.

Someone who isn’t afraid to be silly. Bonus points for singing to me in public.

Someone who makes time for me, even when he’s busy. Someone who makes seeing me a priority.

Someone who lets me show him how important he is to me, and shows me how important I am to him.

Someone who is very tactile. Who touches and likes to be touched. Who maybe has a hard time keeping his hands off of me. Someone I can reinvent the kiss with. Someone who will hold onto me.

Someone who will let me be alone for short periods so I can do my introverted soul recharging thing. But not TOO long.

Someone who is maybe just a little jealous of my men friends but trusts me enough not to mind that I spend time with them..and even likes them.

Someone assertive and decisive in a kind way.

Someone who is not dismissive. Of me, of my ideas, of my life.

Someone who wants me to know him, and wants to know me. Someone who sees the real me, and lets me see the real him.

Someone who understands that there are times when I really like someone to take control.

Someone who laughs with me and makes me laugh, but also makes me think and helps me grow.

Someone who has a nickname for me that is mine alone. Not babe or sweetheart.

Someone who loves me because of all my weirdness and not in spite of it.

Someone who can’t wait to tell me about things that happen in his day.

Someone who not only loves me completely but also likes me.

Someone to exchange things we don’t like doing with. If I clean the gutters, he will find out what the noise under the house was.

Someone who follows through. Someone who does what he says he will do. Someone who is honorable.

Someone who is there for me.

Someone who tastes and smells good.

Someone who doesn’t freak out if I cry.

Someone who doesn’t freak out if I get angry.

Someone who will stand his ground with me and argue with me if I am being unkind or unreasonable.

Someone who doesn’t let me kick myself in the ass unless I really deserve it.

Someone who is kind to me and to others.

Someone who will read with me. Someone who will read to me. And talk about what we read.

Someone with the gift of having fun doing nothing in particular.

Someone who loves music. Bonus points for being a musician. Extra bonus points for playing and singing with me.

Someone who will be honest with me even when he thinks I might not like it. Especially when he thinks I won’t like it.

Someone who doesn’t let me run away internally.

Someone who is willing to state a preference.

Someone who is always himself and who encourages me to be.