Children and sex

Eve took a fruit, Eve bit the fruit
Juice ran down her chin
Babies will put things in their mouths
Never heard of sin.
–Joan Osborne/Lumina

For me, sex and innocence are intertwined.

All children are sexual. We Americans try our best to deny it, and make children sexless cherubs, but children figure it out. They figure it out innocently. They touch things. They put things in their mouths. It feels good. They keep doing it. Adults might label it as sin, but there really isn’t a single thing that exists that is more human or more natural.

Then again, arsenic is also natural, so there you go.

How people think about sex, how people treat sex and sexuality whether in children or adults, is entirely a cultural construct. There is not one correct way to view sexuality in anyone, either in children or adults.

In some cultures, no sexual feelings are considered appropriate outside of marriage. Which seems rife with problems, since all humans have them from a very young age. Practically all humans.

In some cultures, female children are mutilated to prevent sexual feelings.

In still others, girls are married very young so their sexual feelings are channeled to a particular man.

People don’t seem to be as worried about the boys.

The curse of the uterus. Being the child bearer seems to give women approximately the same status as livestock in many cultures. I wonder how much of that is because of the value of the babies potentially being produced (more specifically the ability to trust their lineage) as opposed to the value of the woman herself.

So what do we do with the baby who figures out that his penis is fun? The little girl who figures out that laying on her hands and wiggling feels good? The answer in most of the U.S. seems to be to teach the nippers that those things are fine, but should only be done in private. Which seems like a good thing to me.

But…in other cultures, the answer seems to be that the ideas way to deal with sexual feelings in girls is to cut out her clitoris. In some cases, to sew up her vagina. To most of us, the idea is abhorrent. There are many other societies that think it’s better for the girls.

So who is right and wrong?
Are there any sexual moral absolutes?
I don’t think there are.

Other people would probably think it is OK to kill me for acting that belief out. Which in my mind is reprehensible but in theirs is normal.

Humans seem to really like to fuck things up. That much is clear.

Merry Christmas–yes, Christmas

Have yourself a merry little Christmas
Let your heart be light
From now on
our troubles will be out of sight.
–Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas/H. Martin and R. Blane

No, I am not early. In my family, holidays are often celebrated on random days that suit our schedules. This happens when most of the people involved work in healthcare in some capacity.

This year, Christmas was on 12/19.
And most of the gifts I ordered arrived on time. Most. Oops. Ken and Nic will just have to get a few more presents later!

We missed our main gift distributor Justin this year. He’ll be celebrating Christmas in England, which seems awfully far away. We love you, Justin.

Pretty standard stuff–delicious lasagne and spaghetti for dinner. Thank you, little brother.

Copious gifts.

You know, I am not ashamed to admit how much I love opening presents. I don’t even really care what is in the packages, I just love the paper and ribbon and the idea that someone thought about me. Silly, maybe, but true.

In fact, I am just going to say it:
I love the holidays.
The decorations.
The lights.
The songs, except for a few that need to be banished.
Making candy.
Turkey.
Mashed potatoes.
Getting together with family and friends.

Soon to come: hanging out with the Doctor, probably my last birthday dinner this year, another Christmas dinner at Ken and Nicole’s, and New Year’s Eve followed by the Rose Bowl on Tequila Hill. My liver is all a-flutter.

And miscellaneous surprises, I am sure.

Resolutions?
Hmm…not usually my thing. Maybe I will think about it this year.
With all of the changes in my life, it would be a good idea to take stock and see where I am with it all.

To be continued.

Chinks in our armor

Let’s do it. Let’s go get the shit kicked out of us by love.
–Love, Actually

Vulnerability, I’m finding, seems to be a really important piece of being a happy human being. In order for people to connect, they have to see each other on a fairly deep level. They have to really know who they are inside. They have to trust the other person not to sack their emotional village.

And trust, initially, involves blind faith. In order to know if you can trust someone, you have to just trust them and see what happens.

Of course it has to be balanced. You want to be vulnerable in spots, like Achilles, as opposed to being a door mat that anyone can tear up as much as they want. When I talk about being open and vulnerable, I don’t mean defenseless. We have to protect ourselves while still letting people see us.

This is what I am wondering about right now. I am feeling particularly vulnerable and am wondering if I am doing something really stupid. Trusting someone I shouldn’t.

One of those mind vs heart cage matches, and I am listening to my heart.

My brain says I am a fool.

If I’m wrong, it will hurt. If I’m right, though…
And wouldn’t you rather be hurt for giving someone one too many chances than not giving them a chance at all?