Category: Imaginary Conversation

Hi there.

Hey, you.

I haven’t heard from you for awhile.

Likewise.

Succinct.

Uh huh.

So what did you want to talk about?

You’re the one calling me…

You haven’t talked to me lately, so you must have something you want to say.

Does that even make sense?

No, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t true.

I guess.

You don’t have anything you want to say to me?

I didn’t say that, but why do you think I have something to talk to you about?

Who else would you talk about something important with?

The imaginary something you think I want to talk to you about is important?

You’re being evasive.

Kind of.

Very.

Why do you think that is?

Why are you answering questions with questions? Are you analyzing me?

You’re definitely not big on answering me, so there isn’t much to analyze.

Not really. Is that what you’re mad about?

Wait, now I’m mad?

Annoyed?

About an imaginary important topic that I stopped talking to you over? Or that I can’t analyze you?

You aren’t mad at me?

You want to know if I am mad at you because you think I want to talk about something important which led me to stop talking to you? Is that the question?

Yes. I guess. What?

It’s a little hard to keep track. Did you do something that would have made me angry?

…

….

Hello? Did I lose you?

Never.

I take it that you did do something that you think I am angry about. What was it?

That isn’t why I called.

Maybe you should tell me why you called then. I’ve heard that’s a great way to start a conversation.

I don’t know.

Should I guess? Did you miss me and just want to say hello?

No. Well, yes. I was thinking about you..

But you thought it would be a good idea to try to make the call about me having a problem with you instead of just saying that you miss me?

When you put it that way, it doesn’t sound very nice.

If that is what you are doing, it isn’t very nice. Is that what you are doing?

No. Kind of. No! This is making me uncomfortable.

Feelings aren’t really your strong point, are they?

I have feelings. I’m not a bad person.

I assume you have feelings, but people say you shouldn’t make assumptions. And I never said that I think you are a bad person. I don’t think you are. You say that a lot, which makes me wonder if that is what you really think about yourself or if other people have said it to you before.

Am I the one who said that about assuming?

It’s possible. Probably. I do listen to what you say. Nice attempt to redirect me onto more comfortable ground.

It’s probably pretty safe to assume that I have feelings.

Probably. What are they?

Let’s talk about something else.

It’s your theoretical nickel. What do you want to talk about?

That’s what I asked you before!

Now I am asking you.

Why do you always make it so hard?

We’re still talking about talking, right? Or are you talking about your cock now?

We can if you want to…

It could be a lot easier than this, you know. All you have to do is talk to me. Tell me what’s going on. You talk to other people all the time. Just talk. I won’t break.

I don’t want you to bust my ass every time we talk to each other.

Did it ever occur to you that if there are things going on in our lives, and we talk about them with each other, it might actually be easier for both of us?

That’s a good theory.

It is, but it requires joint participation.

I don’t know if I can.

I’m not going to force you into anything. I’ll be here living my life. You live yours. Do whatever you want.

I can’t make any commitments right now.

Who said anything about commitments? We are talking about talking.

Oh.

You can’t see me, but I am rolling my eyes at you. Big time. You’re acting like a colossal dumb ass.

Thanks.

Don’t be pissy, it doesn’t suit you.

So noted. Can we talk about my cock now?

Only if you tell me how it feels. Oh, but you get uncomfortable talking about your feelings. I guess talking about your cock will have to wait until after you have learned to share your feelings. What a pity. Perhaps after a few years with an analyst…

Bitch.

How do you feel now?

Like I want you to suck me.

I’m not sure I’d call that emotional progress.

Stop laughing. This isn’t sexy at all.

You know I am the only person on the planet who would see the humor in this situation, right? You really should be impressed or something.

Something. Definitely, something.

Dick.

Language.

Motherfucker.

Bad, bad language. I told you you were mad at me! Stop laughing.

You know what I hate about the whole Zen thing? The stupid catch phrases. Be the dog. Give me a break. All hyper manic and friendly. Tails a-wagging. That’s not me.

It’s just an expression.

Thank you. Figured it wasn’t literal. Still. I don’t want to be the dog. I’m really

In unison:
More like a cat.

You really are.

I know! I am aloof, and kind of demanding. I want affection only on my own terms. And when I like someone, I enjoy rubbing against them. Sometimes with my claws out.

I noticed.

Sorry.

It’s OK. I didn’t mind.

I bite, too.

You do have the full compliment of bad habits.

I do. And like a cat, I am very hard to train.

Also true. For the most part. In some areas, you respond well to guidance. Are you blushing? I thought you had no shame?

I have no shame in the same areas that I respond well to training.

It’s something I like about you.

At least there’s one thing!

Oh, there are several.

And you aren’t even a cat person…

You know you aren’t actually a cat, right?

That’s good–cat food smells terrible. I would hate to have to eat it. Or use a litter box.

Not as much as I would hate having to empty your litter box.

Yeah, that’s well beyond the typical commitment required in any relationship.

I’m happy to make you purr, as long as you don’t sink your claws in my thighs.

I think that can be arranged…