I think I’ve lived a little too long
on the outskirts of town
I think I’m going insane
from talking to myself for so long.
Oh but I’ve never been accused.–Elvis Costello/Blame It On Cain
So what’s a shy, socially awkward dork to do when she has no friends but doesn’t have her act together enough to actually talk to people in person?
Type.
She should type.
The Internet gets a lot of shit for being a waste of time, and it can be, but you know what?
It has saved my ass from my own social awkwardness and gotten me through some pretty horrendous stuff. Stuff I’d have been challenged to deal with on my own. For those of us who are verbally challenged, but still basically enjoy people if we know them, the Internet is a real gift. At least for those of us who enjoy writing.
I’ve always had an easier time writing than talking, so chat rooms and Facebook are perfect for me. I can get to know people a little bit before I actually talk to them in person, and then when I do meet them in person, it’s so much less traumatic for me to actually use words. I can almost act like a normal person.
I said almost.
Of course, just like in real life, Internet conversations are fraught with peril. You don’t get tone of voice. Sarcasm can seem like cruelty. Jokes maybe aren’t so funny. Replies get out of sync and things get complicated. It’s really easy to say things that you don’t mean. Or things that you do mean and maybe shouldn’t say or should only say very carefully. If you can’t see the stricken look on someone’s face, you don’t know when you’ve wounded them. If they can’t see tears in your eyes, they don’t know they’ve shot an arrow right into your heart.
So you don’t back down, until maybe it’s just a little too late.
I guess maybe I’m just bad at talking regardless of the context.
I’m considering a career in hermit-ism after football season. I can clearly not be trusted to either speak to people coherently either in the real world or online.
Being a hermit doesn’t pay very well, does it? Maybe I can work remotely from my cave (they have Internet access in caves, right?)…I’ll just need to make enough money to keep myself supplied with false eyelashes and black eyeliner.
Even hermits want to look good.