What the people who don’t wear shades don’t know is that some of us wear shades because they’re all that stop us being eye-naked — forced to gaze, unprotected, at the wet and bleeding face of reality as it squirms and pulses and writhes like a razor slicing a child’s eyeball or the sight of something dead, twitching, just once before collapsing and bloating
–Neil Gaiman
It is not easy to be naked.
In what way?
In any way. Actually or just metaphorically.
Eye-naked, naked souled or just plain physically nude.
Having the gaze of others on your body, mind or soul is…trying for those of us who think about such things. Yes, the weirdos.
And you know what? I take back what I said about being physically naked. That’s really not so difficult, depending on the situation. For the first time with a new lover? It’s a nervous feeling, but a good one. In front of a bunch of people who are all fully clothed? Maybe that wouldn’t be fun. Naked among other congenial naked folk, like at a beach or Burning Man? Not a problem at all, except for getting dirt and sand in inconvenient places and sunburn. Mentally, it’s much easier than being naked souled. Much, much easier.
Showing people who you are, who you *really* are requires a lot of courage. A willingness to be vulnerable. A willingness to admit that you could be rejected, but you’re going to show your soul anyway. It’s an amazing feeling, but so hard to do. Especially if it’s ever blown up on you. There is nothing quite like letting someone see who you really are and having them grind their heel on it like a cigarette butt. It’s something you maybe don’t quite recover from.
So then what? You just don’t do it again, right?
Wrong.
Well.
Yes. You do stop doing it. You close yourself off.
And what does it get you? Right. Nothing.
It’s a difficult thing to wrap your mind around, but in order to get the kind of love you probably want? You have to be open to it you have to trust. You have to have faith. You have to be vulnerable.
Or you won’t ever get it.
I know, right?
It does suck.
But it’s the only way.
I’ve tried everything else. Trust me, I know.