Through the years
We all will be together,
If the Fates allow
Hang a shining star upon the highest bough.
And have yourself A merry little Christmas now.
–R. Blane-H. Martin/Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas
As I get into bed and start writing, it’s just before midnight on Christmas Eve. Christmas starts in a couple of minutes.
I’ve been out with Paddy and some of his friends for drinks, then to dinner at the Ringside with Paddy and a small plastic snowman. Yes, we brought our own decor to dinner. Paddy borrowed him from my house unbeknownst to me.
I don’t really know quite what to say about this Christmas. It’s been a hard year. There has been a lot of loss. A lot of change. It’s my first Christmas on my own for a long time. Even though it has been difficult, the changes have turned out to be good. In a lot of ways I am happier than I ever have been. Sadder in some ways. Maybe just feeling things more than I have for a long time. Finally.
I’ve gotten to know some people better, including myself. I have learned that I have a kick ass group of people in my life. People who make me laugh. People who go on trips with me. People who make music with me. People who have my back. People who love me. People who I love right back.
So I don’t really have any Christmas wisdom to share.
I don’t have all the answers. I don’t think I have any of the answers. I don’t even know if I will make it to the end of this post without crying.
I’ll just keep it simple:
Merry Christmas, everybody.
I love you.
PS
Paddy and Chelle, you two get a special mention because you have kept my head on more or less straight through some really rough days. You have listened to me, given me advice I have disregarded over and over and never once told me I was behaving like a total idiot. Which I was. You are both kind, smart, funny and generous beyond all reason. Rick, you also get a shoutout for putting up with me all Summer and being the world’s best glass filler.
Paddy, I also owe you for encouraging me to find my voice again. Thank you doesn’t seem like quite enough. I can’t say I am glad about the circumstances that led us to become such good friends, but I am awfully glad we did.