Don’t you wonder what makes people react the way they do?
Sometimes.
Man of few words…
Is there something else you wanted to know about my opinion?
Isn’t there always?
Yes.
So?
Maybe you should tell me who the people are that you think I should be wondering about.
Semi-rhetorical people.
Uh…
Maybe you should ask what the people are doing that I think they might be reacting to when I ask about it.
One second you can be painfully direct, and the next you are puzzlingly oblique.
Thank you. You are shaking your head, aren’t you?
Because you are really something.
You know, you sounded like you meant that in an admiring way!
I did. You are a wonder. It is always interesting to talk to you when your mind gets really going. Not comprehensible, but interesting.
So this is what I was wondering about: sometimes people say one thing, but then their actions seem to indicate that maybe they don’t really mean it.
Some people aren’t always honest.
True, but that isn’t really what I wonder about.
No?
No. What I wonder about is that when I ask about the apparent discrepancy people react in very different ways.
Is it a discrepancy that makes you angry?
Not really. It’s more like something I don’t understand. And you know I am trying to be more clear about that kind of stuff.
I know. You’ve been trying pretty hard.
And I know sometimes when I am direct, people think I am mean.
Not people who know you.
Some people who know me. So I try to be direct, but still not mean, but sometimes they still feel like I am trying to attack them or accuse them of some sort of evil doing or something. I don’t know.
Why do you think that is?
That is the part I wonder about.
The only part?
Well, no, because I still am wondering about whatever the original thing was that made me ask them the question in the first place. Then they get mad and I don’t know either thing and then someone is also mad at me. I feel like there must be something wrong with my communication skills.
Or maybe it’s their communication skills. Theirs. Not yours. Maybe they are acting mad to deflect you.
Why would they do that?
Because they know you will assume that you have done something wrong and leave them alone if they get mad at you. Or because they feel guilty about whatever it is that maybe they haven’t been completely honest about. Or because they think the best offense is a good defense. Or because they are afraid.
Afraid of me?
Or of what you might do if they tell you what it is you asked them about.
Shouldn’t they be afraid of what I might do if they don’t tell me?
Maybe so.
It seems silly.
It is silly. Especially if they know how hard you are trying to be more open.
So you think it’s a sign of fear?
That is a possibility. They might also just not care.
Well, that would suck because that’s kind of the whole point of what I am asking them.
Yes.
So basically, the options go from “they don’t care at all, and they are lying about it when they say they do, but they won’t admit it because they don’t care enough to” all the way to “they care a lot, but they are afraid of losing me by being honest?”
Pretty much.
And the only way for me to find out is…
To ask, and hope the answer is honest.
Which I have done.
Right.
So…
You’re kind of fucked on this one.
Shit.
If you ask me things, I will give you a real answer.
Thanks.
Any time.
So would it be appropriate of me to send them a card with a picture of a chicken on it going “bok bok bok?”
Bok bok bok?
You know, the universal expression for being a chicken?
It would not be appropriate, but it would be funny.
So I guess I will just have to keep wondering.
I’d save your wondering for something more worthy of your time.
Like what?
Like wondering who Tim Burton will possibly be able to be with who has messier hair than Helena Bonham Carter.
I have started wondering about that already! I even tweeted with Ann Landers’s daughter about it.
You did not.
I did! She voiced some sadness that with their breakup she was questioning if messy hair could be a basis for a lasting relationship. I replied that I was a bit concerned about that myself and she told me to have faith.
Ann Landers’s daughter told you to have faith in the power of messy hair?
She did.
What about no hair?
I have hair. I didn’t ask about the trials and tribulations of the hairless.
Very selfish of you.
I keep telling you!
Hush. Put down your iPad and go to sleep.
OK. Night.