Don’t you think it’s weird that people always say they never watch TV?
Always never?
Right.
Some people really don’t watch TV. I hardly ever do, outside of football season.
You watch old movies all the time.
Does that count?
Do you watch them on your TV?
Sure, but they’re usually streamed.
I think that counts.
I guess I think of TV as broadcast shows, sports, that sort of thing.
If your TV is on, and you are looking at it, you are watching TV.
If you say so.
I do.
So why does it bug you when people say they don’t watch?
It’s snobby. It’s fake. It’s pretentious.
Ah. Even if it’s true?
Especially if it’s true.
Wow. I had no idea you felt this way.
Well I do.
So…
So?
Well…
Oh. Yeah. I think you are kind of snobby and pretentious.
Ouch.
Sorry.
No, it’s a fair assessment.
So you aren’t offended?
By truth in reporting your feelings? Nah.
That is a relief.
Keep that in mind the next time I point out why I think you are behaving like a douche.
A reasonable request.
I hope you don’t think I am unreasonable as a general rule…
No, no.
Oh, good. So would you ever date someone who says she never watches TV?
I’m dating you, aren’t I?
You are?
I’m not?
There will now be an awkward pause…
We aren’t dating??
I don’t think so. Let’s just skip over that part. So you would date someone who says she never watches TV?
No. Not if she says never. You don’t say never. You say not very often. Women who say never suck.
No, they just have other things to do. Like go out. Train for marathons. Learn about rocket science.
No they don’t.
They don’t?
No. They sit around all day and feel superior to TV watchers.
I think you might be a little harsh in that assessment. I didn’t have a TV for several years. No, I guess I had one…but it was a 13″ screen.
THIRTEEN?
Yep. And no cable.
What point is there in having a TV that small?
If I wanted to watch a movie, I could put in a video or DVD.
Oh, it was back in the day!
Sure. Late 90’s.
It was probably someone’s bedroom TV.
Maybe.
Are you sure we aren’t dating?
Pretty sure.
Why not?
Have we ever made out?
No.
Have you ever taken me to dinner someplace where we had to look nice?
No.
When we’ve spent the night in the same place, have you ever tried to sneak into my bed?
No.
Did you want to?
Well…
No, right?
Well…
We aren’t dating.
Of course not, you’re too snobby for me.
Now you’re being a douche.
Sorry.
Do you even WANT to date me?
I guess not, now that you bring it up.
Then it’s all fine.