My number one favorite thing to do is kissing.
You mean sexually?
No, all around.
Huh. Yeah, I guess I would rank it pretty high myself.
You have to have priorities.
That is why I negotiated it into a date.
What? Isn’t kissing traditional in dating anyway?
No, no. I mean yes. This is a first date though. Usually the kissing doesn’t come until the end. If at all. That’s silly.
Silly? Why? Then you have something to look forward to.
And I do love a good tease.
Tell me more about that…
No.
Just a little?
Maybe later.
So. Kissing.
Right.
How does one go about negotiating a kiss?
Well, I said I would buy drinks. He said if things went well, he’d buy me dinner.
Isn’t that a risky move?
It seemed a little demotivational to me. I mean, I am incentivizing date failure. It would benefit him financially to dislike me.
Good point. Are you going to renegotiate the deal?
I don’t think I will have to. I added a kissing clause.
What does it cover?
It is essentially a guarantee.
How do you guarantee a kiss?
Well you can’t really. There are too many completely subjective elements. I mean, you can really like someone’s pictures and the way they should on the phone, right?
Right.
But until you get pretty close to them, you don’t really know if you’ll feel that spark.
Also right.
And even then, until you kiss…
You just don’t know until it happens or doesn’t.
Right. Whatever “it” is. That is why I put in the clause. We kiss before we go into the bar. A serious kiss.
Bold. You kiss someone you have never met?
Yes.
And what if it’s a disaster?
Then all bets are off. No drinks. No dinner. No nothing. Even if only one of us is dissatisfied.
Interesting. And if the kiss is amazing?
Then we proceed with drinks, and then probably to dinner. I figure we already know we have things to talk about. If the kissing goes well, that pretty much is a lock for making it through to dinner. Unless he fakes it.
That’s either total genius or the most asinine thing I have ever heard.
Right?
Where are you meeting?
You can’t be there.
Oh, c’mon!
No way. I do not need a heckler.
More of a protector and admirer.
Admirer? Not really.
Protector and friend.
Two very good things. And still no.
Be careful.
It’s just a kiss.
No such thing.
Also true. It’ll be a new experience.
Just what you need.
New experiences are good for me.
I hope it goes well. I haven’t been to Paley’s for a long time.
Fancy!
More importantly, if we make it to dinner that means the kissing passed the test. And there could theoretically be even more of it.
Like on a second date?
Stranger things have happened. It’d be a new record.
Let me know when you get home.
Thanks for worrying about me!
Any time.