The Importance of Being Well Groomed

I saw a werewolf drinking a pina colada at Trader Vic’s
And his hair was perfect.
–Warren Zevon


It must take a lot of work for  werewolves to keep their hair looking perfect. Especially during the full moon, when all they want is to run amok and howl at the moon and such. Keeping the blood and gore  from getting their hair all matted and nasty must be such a challenge!

No one will ever compliment me on my perfect hair, but that’s OK. I have many other qualities that more than off-set my hair failure. (Hair Failure is also a good band name. I hope someone is keeping track.)I have trouble even remembering to brush mine before work. On the other hand,  I hardly ever get blood and gore in my hair, so hey! Bonus points for me!


There are only a few hit songs about werewolves, and  none of the others songs feature weres who (who, or that?) are  as urbane as Zevon’s Chinese-food eating, pina colada-swilling fiend with the perfect hair.

Monster grooming doesn’t get much attention in the Pop world. So little emphasis is placed on monster grooming once you get past Bride of Frankenstein.


That being said, if the werewolf in question looks anything like Alcide Herveaux from True Blood, then his hair doesn’t have to be perfectly groomed. In fact, I’d prefer that he not waste any time at all on combing it.  I’ll just stand right here and lick my non-werewolf chops, messy hair and all.





His hair is perfect.

Even if he isn’t at Trader Vic’s.


Important side note:

What is not optional is excellent oral hygiene.

With a werewolf, you never know where that mouth has been, so  good brushing is especially crucial.




Hand in Hand

Don’t ask me to apologize
I won’t ask you to forgive me
If I’m gonna go down
You’re gonna come with me
Hand in hand.
–Elvis Costello


This doesn’t do much to explain my belief system unless I’m explaining through opposites. (Good band name, Explaining thru Opposites)

I’ve always secretly  wanted to be the sort of vindictive person who would get revenge on anyone who crossed me, but being a fundamentally decent person really got in the way of that. Singing along to this song lets me indulge my repressed vengeful side without adversely impacting my Karma.


I don’t need special quotations and songs  to explain what I believe, really.

It’s simple:

Pay attention, and don’t be a douche.


You’d think not being a douche would be the hard part, but for me it’s paying attention that is a challenge. I’m sure there are people out there who would argue that I don’t do a great job about not being an asshole either, but I’m MUCH worse at indulging my ethereal side and letting my mind be anywhere but in the present.


This is partly because I have a really good imagination, but it’s also the sign of someone who might get a wee bit over-analytical about things that either happened in the past or might happen at some point in the future. Neither of which are  all that helpful to me when I live in the present.  Which I try to do. Sometimes it can be fun to imagine, which is the lure, but other times it’s just overindulging the already dark corners of my brain too much and I really don’t need extra emphasis on what’s bad, possibly might become bad or what was bad in the past.


So I drag my brain back from wherever it wanders of to and remind myself that Now is the place to be.

Time to be.






You know, I really don’t see why I can’t just hit people sometimes.

I don’t.

Hit them,  I mean.

But sometimes I really want to.

Not a punch in the face,

but a good, hard  body check would be soooo emotionally and physically satisfying if someone annoys me.

Just Hulk Smash someone into a wall.



Maybe it’s time to check into taking hockey lessons….

They frown on body checking where I work.






C’est Comme Ça

Ça le susurre
a mes entournures
Ah, ah, faut que j´moove
Ça le grince
juste pendant la nuit
Ah, c´est comme ça
ça plonge et ça vire
Ah, ah, faut que j´moove
Et ça gêne
quoi, quand y a pas de plaisir
–Rita Mitsouko

Sometimes you don’t have anything to say, so you just kind of throw a song out there.




This one’s an alterna-pop classic from the late-80’s about…uh…physical feelings. It’s called “C’est Comme Ça”:


If you haven’t ever said “Ça le susurre a mes entournures” aloud before, I strongly recommend it. It’s really fun to say. It makes your mouth go all pouty.


Go ahead.

Try it.

Yes, in front of a mirror.

See what I mean?


I’m pretty sure that’s why the French have such a reputation for sexiness–it’s just a byproduct of what their mouths look like when they talk.


Now, go and Google Catherine Ringer. She’s the singer. She is très cool and vaguely porno.

Do it.


Spin has a few other ideas of what French beats might be good to listen to:

A few I’ve never heard or heard of…but Noir Désir are fantastic if you can get past the fact that the lead singer Bertrand Cantat beat his girlfriend to death. (Really, in 2004. He’s currently on parole.) They’re sort of a post-Grunge group.

Try their songs “Lost” and “Tostaky.”

“Tostaky” is one of my very favorite workout tunes. For what it’s worth.


I’m also a big fan of les Négresses Vertes. Their late 80’s record M’lah hasn’t got a bad tune on it, if you like quirky/melting pot/French-Arab-Spanish stuff with accordions in it. Their original lead singer Helno died in the early 90’s due to his long term heroin addiction.


Voilà l’été or Zobi la Mouche would be very…representational.

Yeah, I don’t get the French love of the accordion either. It’s a dance hall holdover.



I haven’t converted you, have I?