An imaginary conversation about compliments

We need to teach you to accept a compliment.

I never get any–and stop rolling your eyes at me!

You get them all the time, and you act weird every time. 

It’s not an act, you know. I am weird. 

Yes, but you are especially weird when someone says something nice to you. 

Like what?

I loved the post you wrote about teenagers having the right idea about love. 

There were so many things I should have added! It could have way better!

See?

What? It could have. 

That was a compliment. 

And I should have said?

“Thank you, I’m happy you enjoyed it.” 

Got it. 

That color looks amazing on you. 

I need to fix the tear in the sleeve. This poor dress is…oh. “Thank you so much!”

Maybe there’s hope for you. 

I’m moderately trainable. 

You are one of the smartest people I know. It’s why I love you. 

There are way smarter people than me, you know…

What was that about being trainable?

D’oh!



Lesson from teenage me

My teenage self had a shit ton of issues. I was way too emotional. Too shy. Too over analytical. Too afraid of everything. Too self centered. 

One thing teenage me was absolutely right about?  Love.  It’s the one thing I got right the first time, changed my mind about when it didn’t work out and then changed my mind about again. Back to the way I saw it as a teenager. 

When I fell in love for the first time, it never occurred to me to worry about it. I was in love. It was forever. He would never hurt me. Of course it wasn’t, and he did. Well..we could debate the forever part.  There do appear to be aspects of our relationship that are about as “forever” as anything ever is.  He hurt me, I suppose I managed to hurt him too. 

Teenage me was wrong about not being hurt. Wrong about the romance lasting forever. 

What did my teenage self get right about it? A lot. I was in love with every fiber of my being.  My faith in love, and in him were utterly unshakeable. I loved him with every part of my body, brain and heart. I didn’t  give a shit if someone thought I was displaying my affection too openly. In fact, I didn’t even see the disapproval. Well, maybe I noticed some disapproval whenever  the Vice Principal dragged us out of some dark corner. I didn’t care what anyone else thought about him or about the two of us. To me, he was perfect. I even loved his flaws. 

Teenage me jumped into love without hesitation, or reservation. I was in with my entire being, and that is exactly how it should be. 

It’s harder when you’re an adult. You know you’ll be hurt. You know you can’t trust everyone. You want to hold back, and you shouldn’t.  Adults have to be all in even knowing what can go wrong. 

And we should do it anyway. 

Just this once, listen to the teenagers.

Make out in the car. Smell his hair. Stroke his leg through the hole in his jeans. Put your head on his chest to listen to his heart beating. Let yourself sigh with contentment when you put your head on his shoulder. Let other people become invisible for a while. Let yourself enjoy everything about him. Look at him so he knows that you would really love to lick him..

Let it all be new. 

Be in love like you don’t have a sink full of dirty dishes, laundry to put away and a job to go to. 

Be in love like you’re 14 and it’s the best thing to ever happen. 

It is. 

Dating with strings attached

The other night, I got a message from a guy on one of the online dating sites that said:

You have big balls- I can appreciate that 🙂
I like to think I’m just outside the box and-enjoyed your honest, fun, interesting rant. 
I like active, heathy- and understand that comes in all shapes and sizes. If you like to hike, bike, and can rut more than 15 minutes- give me a shout back;)


My initial reaction was positive. After all, he indicated that he understands that being a larger size doesn’t automatically mean that someone is a slug. Then that “if” started to get to me. What if I looked at his profile, saw a few spelling errors and sent a message that said:

It’s ballsy to hang those spelling errors out where everyone can see them, and I enjoyed the humor in your rant about people nit-picking every spelling glitch. 
I understand that there are all sorts of different sorts of intelligence, and spelling isn’t everything. 
I like guys who are smart and funny, so to make sure you are smart in spite of your spelling troubles,  I have included some links to a few online IQ tests. If you score above 140, drop me a line!

He wouldn’t have reponded as politely as I did. There isn’t the smallest doubt in mind of that. He would have been offended, and rightfully so. No one would think that it was OK to imply that someone might not be smart enough to date, and including a conditional acceptance based on a test would insult anyone who got such a message. 

My actual response, and I did respond, was more to the point. I thanked him for calling me ballsy, and suggested that it was pretty ballsy of him to say he might be willing to date a fun, honest woman if she could pass a fitness challenge first. Then I asked him to clarify when the timer would start on the rutting–during foreplay or at penetration. He took it well, or pretended to.  

Conditional acceptance is not what anyone wants. People might settle for it. People might not even recognize it as such. I have no desire to be involved with someone whose affection comes with an IF statement. We all have preferences, but when it comes down to it, we need to accept people the way they are or move on. 

Obviously in this case I will be moving on.