My teenage self had a shit ton of issues. I was way too emotional. Too shy. Too over analytical. Too afraid of everything. Too self centered.
One thing teenage me was absolutely right about? Love. It’s the one thing I got right the first time, changed my mind about when it didn’t work out and then changed my mind about again. Back to the way I saw it as a teenager.
When I fell in love for the first time, it never occurred to me to worry about it. I was in love. It was forever. He would never hurt me. Of course it wasn’t, and he did. Well..we could debate the forever part. There do appear to be aspects of our relationship that are about as “forever” as anything ever is. He hurt me, I suppose I managed to hurt him too.
Teenage me was wrong about not being hurt. Wrong about the romance lasting forever.
What did my teenage self get right about it? A lot. I was in love with every fiber of my being. My faith in love, and in him were utterly unshakeable. I loved him with every part of my body, brain and heart. I didn’t give a shit if someone thought I was displaying my affection too openly. In fact, I didn’t even see the disapproval. Well, maybe I noticed some disapproval whenever the Vice Principal dragged us out of some dark corner. I didn’t care what anyone else thought about him or about the two of us. To me, he was perfect. I even loved his flaws.
Teenage me jumped into love without hesitation, or reservation. I was in with my entire being, and that is exactly how it should be.
It’s harder when you’re an adult. You know you’ll be hurt. You know you can’t trust everyone. You want to hold back, and you shouldn’t. Adults have to be all in even knowing what can go wrong.
And we should do it anyway.
Just this once, listen to the teenagers.
Make out in the car. Smell his hair. Stroke his leg through the hole in his jeans. Put your head on his chest to listen to his heart beating. Let yourself sigh with contentment when you put your head on his shoulder. Let other people become invisible for a while. Let yourself enjoy everything about him. Look at him so he knows that you would really love to lick him..
Let it all be new.
Be in love like you don’t have a sink full of dirty dishes, laundry to put away and a job to go to.
Be in love like you’re 14 and it’s the best thing to ever happen.
It is.