The personality of cheese

It all started with dinner. 

Paddy asked if I wanted Parmesan for my pizza. I declined. He asked Lily if she wanted some, she said ewww because she is 8. 

Cheese, Paddy said, is good on everything. 

I concurred. 

“Is it good on apples?”

Yes. 

“Salmon?”

Yes, cream cheese. 

“Beer?”

Maybe not beer. 

“Gas cans?”

Are they clean gas cans?

“Let’s say they’ve been used by a lot of people.”

Then no. I don’t think you can count stuff that isn’t food though. 

“Ice cream?”

Yep. 

“No way.”

Remember the pear-Gorgonzola ice cream? Gorgonzola is cheese.

“Anyway, I don’t like cheese anymore.”

Why not?

“Cheese has a terrible personality!”

It does? Why is that?

“Cheese is a goody goody. Always pretending to like everyone.”

Maybe cheese is just nice. 

“No, cheese is all sophisticated.”

Sophisticated?

“Like at the Tillamook Cheese Factory. The cheese is all ‘Oooh, I am sooo fancy.’ The cheese at the Blue Heron isn’t like that at all. “

So beware of sophisticated, goody two shoes cheese. Just pretending to like everyone. Do not be fooled. 

Wedding bells chime…

Congratulations to two of my very favorite people, the lovely Chelle and Rick. 

They ran off to Las Vegas for a basketball tournament and got married. Basketball effects people in different ways, you know. Some people find it very romantic. Hey, don’t judge. We all have different tastes. True love is where you find it. 

Cheers, you two.

Here’s to a life time of health, happiness and hearth fires. If you’re half as happy as your kids are about this you will have the happiest marriage on Earth. I think the kids may have fallen in love before you two did. 

Seriously. These are two families who are meant to be joined. Their parents are nice, their kids are nice, their grandchildren are nice…and they are nice. And they’re all spectacular looking, too. Actually, now I kind of hate them. Oh, like anyone could hate them. 

Rick and Chelle are wonderful, caring people with great families and friends who love them. The kind of people who make sure you’re OK when things are hard and celebrate with you when things are good. The kind who make sure everyone’s wine glasses and plates are full, and make sure everyone around them is taken care of. 

So I cried some happy tears into my champagne and wished them well as hard as I could..I mean, we all knew there would be crying. 

Phone Maid of Honor Shay provided suitably blurry photos of the event. 

Kyle said it best on Facebook: “You both deserve the best. And you both got it.”

 I love you both!

Edit

Kissing the bride

Presenting the bride and groom

Wow, it’s legal!



Cheers!

An imaginary conversation about what I’m doing

Hey you.

Hey yourself.

Whatcha doing?

Wondering.

About what?

Nothing in particular.

Sounds…uh…boring as fuck.

I’m never bored!

So you claim.

It’s true. 

So give me an example of what your’re thinking about.

I don’t think it’s thinking, exactly. It’s just wondering.

For instance?

I wonder if I could lean at just the right angle to see the flying pig on my back porch reflected on the countertop on my kitchen island.

Wow.

Did I claim to be thinking deep thoughts?

Uh…no. What else?

I wonder what it is in coffee beans that makes them smell so amazing.

Chemicals…

Right, magically in just the right combination to smell like THAT. If I believed in miracles, that would be one.

That’s more interesting than the flying pig thing.

Thanks. You don’t think reflections are interesting? I think seeing is fascinating.

Seeing?

Sure. All the rods and cones and the optic nerve and all that goes together and we process it and it’s like a movie in our head all the time. And if we look at things from different angles, literal or metaphorical, we see something very different.

Now the shit’s getting deep.

Fuck you.

Heh.

You’re the one who asked.

I didn’t think it was so weird in there.

You have a pretty good idea how weird it is in my head. A lot of it goes right out of my mouth into your ears.

Very true.

I thought that was one of the things you liked about me.

Like. Present tense. I do.

Then don’t dis the weirdness.

Yes’m.