Are you always this responsive?
Mmm, what?
Are you always this responsive. Physically. To a kiss?
You stopped…why did you stop?
Well, I was wondering…
Less wondering. More kissing.
But…
No..
No? It’s just for me?
Yes. No. Not with everyone.
More kissing.
Happy Valentines Day!
So you have a second date with that guy? That’s cool!
Yeah, I’m looking forward to it.
What are you going to do?
We’re going to have lunch and drinks, and then hang out at my place.
No. Bad idea.
Yes. Good idea.
Are you nuts?
Yes, but it has nothing to do with inviting someone over
What if he’s an axe murderer?
If you saw how skinny he is, you wouldn’t be so worried.
It has nothing to do with size.
Really? I thought size was important…
It’s not funny! I don’t want you do do this! You can’t just trust someone you have only met one time.
How many times do I have to meet someone before I can trust them? Would he be more trustworthy after 5 dates?
You are avoiding the point on purpose. It would be safer to meet in a public place.
We did. And I ascertained that he isn’t likely to be a psycho…and that I can physically kick his ass if I need to.
What are you going to do that you can’t do in public anyway?
Do you really want me to answer that?
Yeah. What is it you want to do that you can’t do in a pub or at the movies?
Suck his cock. They get really mad if I do that in the pub. I checked.
Be serious!
You don’t think I should suck his cock at the pub, do you?
What is wrong with you?
Oh, a lot of stuff. So, you disagree that it would be better if I took him to my place to suck his cock?
Oh my God. You have lost your mind!
NO.
You’re probably right.
Thank you. I can’t believe you were even considering it.
I should really just fuck him instead. If I suck his cock first, he might not be able to follow through on all of our planned activities.
You’re killing me.
What? It’s true.
Can’t you just tell me to mind my own business like a normal person?
Apparently not.
OK OK. I have learned my lesson. But you’re kidding about this, right?
Seriously?
Yes.
I think you need to review that lesson you said you just learned.
Come on–just tell me!
What part? The part about fucking?
Did I mention that I asked him to bring a friend? You can come over and watch if you are worried about my safety. I’ll have to ask him how he feels about that, he might not be into voyeurs…
Do not do this. Do not.
What was that about minding your own business?
I will, I promise. I learned my lesson. This time I really mean it.
Good.
But you’re kidding about the friend, right?
Good night, Nosey Nellie.
Kidding?
Hanging up now.
Good night.
So, did you want me to text you when he leaves and let you know how big his dick is?
Oh my God! Stop!
I can’t help it now.
No. No more details. No matter what I ask you.
Deal. Wait, do you think I should ask him to shave his balls before he comes over?
Stop! Stop!
Sweet dreams…
I’ll never sleep again.
Thanks for being worried though. Really.
Don’t you think it’s weird that people always say they never watch TV?
Always never?
Right.
Some people really don’t watch TV. I hardly ever do, outside of football season.
You watch old movies all the time.
Does that count?
Do you watch them on your TV?
Sure, but they’re usually streamed.
I think that counts.
I guess I think of TV as broadcast shows, sports, that sort of thing.
If your TV is on, and you are looking at it, you are watching TV.
If you say so.
I do.
So why does it bug you when people say they don’t watch?
It’s snobby. It’s fake. It’s pretentious.
Ah. Even if it’s true?
Especially if it’s true.
Wow. I had no idea you felt this way.
Well I do.
So…
So?
Well…
Oh. Yeah. I think you are kind of snobby and pretentious.
Ouch.
Sorry.
No, it’s a fair assessment.
So you aren’t offended?
By truth in reporting your feelings? Nah.
That is a relief.
Keep that in mind the next time I point out why I think you are behaving like a douche.
A reasonable request.
I hope you don’t think I am unreasonable as a general rule…
No, no.
Oh, good. So would you ever date someone who says she never watches TV?
I’m dating you, aren’t I?
You are?
I’m not?
There will now be an awkward pause…
We aren’t dating??
I don’t think so. Let’s just skip over that part. So you would date someone who says she never watches TV?
No. Not if she says never. You don’t say never. You say not very often. Women who say never suck.
No, they just have other things to do. Like go out. Train for marathons. Learn about rocket science.
No they don’t.
They don’t?
No. They sit around all day and feel superior to TV watchers.
I think you might be a little harsh in that assessment. I didn’t have a TV for several years. No, I guess I had one…but it was a 13″ screen.
THIRTEEN?
Yep. And no cable.
What point is there in having a TV that small?
If I wanted to watch a movie, I could put in a video or DVD.
Oh, it was back in the day!
Sure. Late 90’s.
It was probably someone’s bedroom TV.
Maybe.
Are you sure we aren’t dating?
Pretty sure.
Why not?
Have we ever made out?
No.
Have you ever taken me to dinner someplace where we had to look nice?
No.
When we’ve spent the night in the same place, have you ever tried to sneak into my bed?
No.
Did you want to?
Well…
No, right?
Well…
We aren’t dating.
Of course not, you’re too snobby for me.
Now you’re being a douche.
Sorry.
Do you even WANT to date me?
I guess not, now that you bring it up.
Then it’s all fine.
