How long?
Not long.
‘Cause what you reap
Is what you sow.
–Rage Against The Machine/Wake Up
Karma’s a bitch.
Not really.
There’s no such thing as Karma.
But, wait! What goes around comes around, doesn’t it? Sure, to some extent, but that doesn’t mean that Karma exists.
What does exist is cause and effect–it’s human nature. If you act like a douche, sooner or later people will not like you. Keep being a douche, and you are likely to die alone. If you have money, you can mask your solitude to a certain extent, but if you are even minimally self aware you will know that you are not loved.
It’s not the because the Universe is keeping score, it’s because people do.
It’s not Karma.
It’s you, it’s me, it’s all of us.
We are all Karma.
So does that mean that if you are not a douche, then people will like you? No, not necessarily. People are not particularly consistent. How many people do you know who just don’t seem to have the knack of making friends? There are a lot of people out there who are socially awkward, or quirky, or shy who are also not loved. They’re not unkind. They don’t do anything to hurt anyone, but for whatever reason people just don’t like them much.
They haven’t really done anything to deserve it, but there they are.
But that’s on us, too, isn’t it?
If we are all Karma, we do kind of a random job of reward and enforcement.
In the last few millenniums we have come up with a lot of different ways to say “be nice, or it will go badly for you.” If you don’t believe in any kind of deity, where does that leave you? It leaves you in exactly the same place as everyone else. Feet on the ground until you get put under the ground. We all live here until we die here. Do we really need Gods and Philosophers to tell us the obvious? If we are nice to people, it makes being on this planet a lot more pleasant for all of us.
It’s not rocket science, people: don’t be a douche. That’s all you need to know. Actually, it’s not even as strict as that. People will make allowances for effort.
Revised rule: TRY not to be a douche very often. If you ARE a douche, feel bad about it and then apologize sincerely.
If the people you are a douche to are also following the rule, they will forgive you.
Yes, I know. A lot of people are fuckwads. You don’t have to be a doormat. You know what really pisses off a fuckwad? Someone who is unfailingly and sincerely nice to them. Someone who smiles, and who means it. Someone who continues to not be a douche when faced with douchebaggery.
Not being a douche doesn’t mean having no sense of humor. Go ahead and enjoy pissing them off, but be noble about it.
After all, you are not a douche.