Songs I will never sing to a child I will not have

One of the many lists I’ve written over the years was a list of songs I would have sung to my child. Even though I didn’t intend to have one. For a long time I carried it around, written longhand on a notepad, wherever I went. I went to quite a few places. Running to or from? Texas. France. Oklahoma. Oregon. I think it may have even gone to England and Germany. I started it when I was in my twenties. Maybe after Texas. Definitely after Eugene. I don’t quite remember when “I don’t think I really want to have kids” became “I definitely do not want to.” After a wedding, probably. Not mine. After my first one, before the second.

The original list was torn and stained. Falling apart. Coffee, beer, tears. I wonder what happened to it? I know I had it in the late 90’s. The last time I looked for it was to put a Nirvana song on it.

Polly.

Or was it Ben Harper?

I couldn’t find the list. I never saw it again. Every once in a while, I hear a song I’d like to add, but it’s too late. I’d never be able to put it entirely back together. It was several pages long. Doodles in the margins.

Sometimes I think there are probably doodles in my brain. If my brain had margins, there would definitely be doodles.

Doodles and cobwebs.
Piles of dust and old bones…
The ghosts of discarded lovers.
Oh, wait–wrong list.

Ben Harper:
Forever
Waiting On An Angel
Welcome To The Cruel World

Francis Cabrel:
Petite sirène
Je t’aimais, je t’aime et je t’aimerai

Don McLean:
Vincent
American Pie (and I’d stop singing half through because it’s too long)

Cat Stevens:
Moon Shadow

Elton John:
Love song
All the Nasties
Who am I kidding, let’s just say large swaths of Honky Chateau, Yellow Brick Road and Elton John, all of Tumbleweed Connection, Madman Across The Water and Captain Fantastic.
But especially Captain Fantastic and the Brown Dirt Cowboy, Levon, and Where To Now St. Peter.

Elvis. The One True Elvis. Costello:
Alison
Angels Wanna Wear My Red Shoes
Mystery Dance
Town Cryer
Little Triggers

Peter Frampton:
Baby I Love Your Way

CCR:
Looking Out My Back Door

CSNY:
Our House

Rolling Stones:
Beast of Burden
Paint It Black

Talking Heads:
Once in a Lifetime
And She Was

Heart:
Dog and Butterfly

Billie Holiday:
Good Morning Heartache

Bob Marley:
Three Little Birds
No Woman No Cry

The Beatles:
Let It Be
Hey Jude
In My Life
Here Comes The Sun
There was a very long list of Beatles songs. Very.

Stevie Wonder:
Knocks Me Off My Feet

What would I add now? The Lumineers. Someone should sing Stubborn Love and Morning Song to a baby. P!nk, profanity and all. Noir Désir and Détroit.

Storm Large– a baby needs to know that big girls are not built to walk the straight and narrow. Especially a baby girl.