Michelle's House of Horrors

I was all in a tizzy over nothing at all earlier today. Heart racing, eyes wide. It was very unlike me. Usually something has to be on fire for me to panic. Even then, it’s a stretch. I skew heavily phlegmatic (and I hate that word).

Since I had no reason for being in such a state of internal uproar, I took a deep breath, put my hand on my heart and told myself to stop being such a dumbass and relax.

So I did.

I may have a lot of faults, but not listening to good advice isn’t usually one of them.

 

What the fuck is ladylike
If ladies like to do
What the fuck they like
Just like you.

–Storm Large/Ladylike

 

Huffington Post tweeted a link tease to an article the other day entitled “6 things every woman should do.”  The article was innocuous, but “every woman should” is a phrase that always makes me feel a little bit stabby.

Every woman?

Really?

There is something annoying about hearing what “every woman should do”. Generally it’s something patronizing. Maybe something about cleaning. Or makeup. Something we shouldn’t do with our own bodies.

Where are the articles telling “all human beings” they should do random stuff?

The HuffPo tease got me thinking about the events last week with Miley Cyrus. For those of you who are less plugged into the pulse of the nation than I am, there was a bit of a Twitter storm last week because Sinead O’Connor tried to give some advice to Miley Cyrus as one female in music to another. The advice was basically to not play up her sexuality as a way of getting anywhere in music because “they” would use her up and spit her out. The assumption being that the pop star  was being manipulated by Evil Men running the music companies instead of making her own decisions. The young twerker called her a nutjob and was pretty much a twat about it. Another bad-ass woman in music, Amanda Palmer, replied to SInead’s open letter with one of her own indicating that sex and nudity are part of what make up being a woman,  and if female artists want  to use sexuality in their art it’s up to them as women. She also pointed out that Sinead should probably not just assume that it was Evil Men making the decision about what Miley should do, given that times have changed a little bit since Sinead was 20.

Which would be pretty much my position on the issue: if you want to use your body for whatever reason, I might think you’re making the wrong decision but it’s your decision to make. You making the decision is what is important.

We hear that all women should wear bras because we “need” support, and we shouldn’t attract the eyes of evildoers with our jiggling breasts. Or we hear that all women should go bra-less because the bra was invented by the Man to repress women. You’re a traitor to the feminist cause if you do wear one. You’re asking to be raped at worst and objectified at best if you don’t. Better still, if you wear the wrong kind of bra, you might still be objectified or slut shamed. I don’t know about you all, but it’s hard enough for me to get out of bed in the morning without worrying about the effect my brassiere might have on humanity. Give me a fucking break and let me put my bra on in peace.

The same thing goes for what cosmetics we choose to wear (or not), if we should have piercings or tattoos  and how many children we opt  to have or not have.  Voice an opinion if you choose to, but know that it’s ultimately not your decision but ours as individuals.

If you want to be a stripper and a prostitute and it’s genuinely your decision then go ahead. It’s not something I would do, and I can see a lot of reasons why it’s a bad idea, but it’s not my life.

 

I can’t think of a thing that all women should do other than breathing, and if someone really doesn’t want to keep breathing and she made that decision on her own, even that is completely up to her.

 
I feel the same way about men being “manly.”
While I do love a lot of aspects of the masculine, how manly a guy is is entirely up to him. If a guy wants to wear eyeliner and floral prints, it might not make me hot personally but if he likes it who am I to judge?
 

How ’bout this: let’s all keep our noses out of each other’s underwear and let each other be  responsible for our own decisions, behavior and bodies.

 Signal fading, listen to what I’m saying
Testing, testing
This better be worth all of the breath I’m wasting

–Elvis Costello/Radio Silence

 

Silent is an anagram for listen.

Coincidence?

Well, yeah, it’s a coincidence–but it’s one worth noting.

I am not a terrific listener sometimes. At work, it’s easier. I’m paid to pay attention. I’m paid to notice little details about what people are saying or not saying. Outside of work, it gets harder. There are a lot of distractions. The stereo, a book, a message from a friend on my phone. It’s too easy to multitask and nod like you’re listening when you really aren’t.

How often do you find yourself looking up from the phone or a book saying “I’m sorry, what were you saying?” If you are like me, it’s too often. So I try to do better, but it’s kind of hard sometimes.

A lot of people have trouble listening because they talk. I’m more prone to have trouble with a wandering mind. It’s really the same thing as talking, I’m just talking to myself in my head.

True confession: I’ve stopped writing about 20 times to do various things. Check the score on the Stanford game. Check the score on the ASU game. Look at my Twitter feed to see if anyone is talking about why Lyerla is suspended for a game. Clean the top of the stove. Get a drink of water. Put on lip gloss. Read a news story about a murder in Cedar Mill.

If I have this much trouble staying focused on  what I’m saying to myself, it’s really no wonder that I have a hard time listening to other people.  Yes, I think of this as talking to myself.

Clearly I’m not making as much improvement at being present as I thought I was, and listening is all about being present and really focusing your attention on what someone is saying.

 

Try, try again…

 

Were you saying something?

It’s not kind to say “I told you so.”

 

At least I’m good at the silent part, at least on the outside.