“She’s beautiful,’ he murmured.
‘She’s a metre across the hips, easily,’ said Julia.
‘That is her style of beauty,’ said Winston.”
–George Orwell/1984
“Jon: Have you seen the wall?
Sam: I’m fat, not blind.”
–George RR Martin/A Game Of Thrones
This will be fun for everyone. Let’s talk about being fat!
To start with, I’m going to establish one thing which to me is fact: the word fat is not inherently pejorative. It is a word that describes an excess of weight. Kind of a loaded word, though, innit?
So what? Well, for one thing, in my world, just because someone says you are fat it does not make them a bully. If there is a power differential, maybe. Just using the word to describe someone who is, in fact, fat? Not bullying. Alluding to someone’s fatness in conversation? Not bullying. Most of the time, if someone calls you fat it’s because they are an asshole. Not because they are a bully. Why is that distinction important to me? Because although all bullies are assholes, not all assholes are bullies.
I think we all know that most people who call you fat are doing it unnecessarily. It’s usually meant to hurt your feelings. I said the word isn’t automatically a pejorative and that using it doesn’t automatically mean you’re a bully, but I didn’t say it was an easy word to hear. If you call someone fat, you are probably a douche canoe unless you are their healthcare provider. If someone is fat, trust me, they have figured it out. They don’t need you to let them know. You aren’t giving them a helpful hint. You are being one of the assholes I mentioned in the previous paragraph.
Why is unkind? I have yet to have someone call me fat who meant it as a compliment. A lot of people find a larger body beautiful, and I certainly have never had any trouble getting dates when I was single, but they tend not to say “boy are you fat, I love it” when they compliment you. People who think that you’re beautiful just say that they think you’re beautiful. Or maybe focus on a particular part they especially like. I’ve never been thin, but I would guess it works the same way for thin people. “Wow, you’re so skinny, I can count all your ribs” is probably not considered very complimentary either.
In other words, there is really no reason to tell anyone that they are fat. Or skinny. Or short or tall.
If I make the statement that I am fat, on the other hand, it is not because I hate myself. I am, by any objective criteria, fat. Obese, in fact. I also have brown eyes. In no way are they inferior to blue. I also have brown hair and don’t wish it was blonde. Fat does not have anything to do with my relative value as a person. My strengths, weaknesses and odd personality are what make me “me”, not so much my body size. Would I like being smaller? Sure, but it’s not a big deal for me. I’m kind of cool. Guys dig me. If I was thin, I wouldn’t be able to handle the influx of attention.
Here’s where it gets a little dicey.
In my opinion, most people who are fat could do something about it if they wanted to. Most. Not all. Note that I said “if they wanted to” and “could” not “should.” If people want to be fat, it is up to them. Maybe they’re happy that way. A lot of us are. On the other hand, I hear a lot of people who complain about not being able to lose weight. Typically I hear it while they are putting triple creme cheese in their mouths.
Losing weight is not complicated. If you eat 3500 fewer calories than your body needs to maintain its weight you will lose exactly one pound. You will. It’s science. Can I tell you how many calories your body needs to maintain its weight? Yeah. That’s the catch. It depends. If you weigh 90 pounds and spend a lot of time in a recliner, you can gain weight by watching the Cooking Channel. If you are a muscular 300 pound athlete who works out 5 hours a day, you may actually have trouble getting enough food in you to avoid weight loss. I said it was simple, I never said it was easy. And calorie management is the easy part.
Science says that 3500 calories = 1 pound. Science also say that it is really hard to lose weight and keep it off. You have to think about eating and exercising a lot. It’s kind of a hassle. You don’t get to eat everything you want whenever you want.
Having said that, does that mean that I think fat people are lazy because they have apparently chosen to be fat instead of choosing to eat sensibly and exercise? I consider myself lazy for a host of reasons. I could be exercising now, but I’ve been sitting at my desk writing for the last 600 words or so. I had fast food for dinner because it’s too hot to cook, and because I was too lazy. Also, I just got my hair done and I’m looking too cute to get all sweaty at the gym. It’s not that I’m not occupied–I’m writing, kind of–but it’s not like I’ve gotten off of my ass all day. (Actually I do like to exercise. Why I don’t do more of it is a bit of a mystery to me) I think it’s fair to say that laziness can be a contributing factor to getting and staying fat for a lot of us.
In the Fat Wars, those are fighting words. Those are words that, no matter how delicately you phrase them, get people all riled up. In the Fat Wars, it’s all about poverty and lack of education about nutrition and Big Food getting us addicted to salt and fat. It’s all about endocrine disorders, slow metabolisms and polycystic ovaries. It’s all about a lack of sidewalks and sedentary jobs. Guess what, though? Most fat people don’t have a physical ailment that makes it difficult for them to lose weight. I know a lot of fat people who are educated about food and who have plenty of money to buy it. Is it all Big Food’s fault? It isn’t. Do I think food companies invest a lot of money into getting us to buy and eat stuff that is flat out bad for us? Yes. Does that mean that it’s their fault I’m fat? No. It’s my own damn fault. I eat too much and I don’t exercise enough. No one forced me to buy fast food for dinner. I chose to. I have money for a gym membership, but chose to skip the gym because I wanted my hair to look cute.
In the Fat Wars, the argument skews very heavily towards totally exempting the actual fat person from any personal responsibility for their weight. That bothers me, even as I acknowledge their valid points about our increasingly sedentary society and our increasingly calorie dense processed diets. Ultimately, if being thin was a real priority for me, I would step away from the Doritos.
And I don’t.
Society is not to blame.