You can have your way again
Yeah you believe
What you want to believeYou can walk all over me tomorrow
But tonight
Can’t we both just pretend to sleep?
–Everclear/Thrift Store Chair
Everclear has a way with songs about adult issues. Proof, I guess, that you can be a grown up, with grown up issues like child support and divorce, and still rock out. I’ll bet Art Alexakis has taken a ride or two on the tequila train. For me he’s sort of the modern day troubadour of real life shit. It’s not all “ooh baby, I love you” with Everclear. Their songs are about fucked up lives, redemption, and doing it all again. Welfare offices, unemployment, finding and losing love.
We’ve all been there. Tired of the person we’re with, or a job we hate. Tired of fighting or not talking or just not getting along. So tired you just want to pretend it’s kind of OK and sometimes you do it by pretending to be asleep.
Tired of feeling like an “almost was.”
We all have people we know damn well we should let go of. They’re abusive, or a bad influence or maybe we aren’t good for them. Maybe it’s just too one sided. Or maybe it’s a job we hate, Or that we feel stuck in because of family responsibilities. It could be anything.
There’s some upside to it, or you would let go. Great sex? Someone who looks at you like there is nothing more beautiful in the world?Laughter? A great paycheck? Flashes of understanding? Is it worth the downside of feeling ignored or debased or not good enough that you are also getting? Or are you only feeling the way you feel because you are irrational or have no appreciable self-esteem? Oh, it’s hard to be so over-analytical and self-absorbed.
Then what?
What do you do when you’re having an Everclear moment?
We’re all too old to solve them by drinking Everclear, although sometimes I try to use tequila or Fireball.
What do I do?
Daydream. Obsess. Listen to music. Read. Listen to music. Write. Read. Knit. Talk to friends. Listen to music. Watch bad TV. Eat popcorn. Ride the tequila train. Go for a walk. Listen to music. Sing. Daydream. Talk to friends. More tequila. More popcorn. More writing.
Remind myself that now is all there really is.
Rinse.
Repeat.