A face to forget

No matter which way you go
No matter which way you stay
You’re out of my mind, out of my mind
Out of my mind, out of my mind
–Tegan and Sara/Walking With A Ghost

There are some people who are not particularly memorable. Not that they aren’t perfectly nice, intelligent, funny, smart or wonderful, but for whatever reason they slide away from other people’s minds. Maybe they are so quiet they don’t make an impression, good or bad. Maybe there is something unremarkable about their appearance. Maybe they are dull. Maybe all of the above.

I am one of those people. I can meet a person several times and not get the tiniest flicker of recognition any of the times I meet them. Sometimes they remember my name after they hear it. They never recognize me. I have an unmemorable face, I guess.

This would be a definite deficit as a politician. It might be a good thing for a character actor or a criminal. Perhaps I shouldn’t put the two in the same category. Perhaps I should put the trait to good use and become a bank robber.

A lot of people at work know me by name but have no idea what I look like.
That is not a bad thing.

I’m not quite sure how I feel about my lack of memorability.

It hasn’t changed as I’ve gotten older and less physically attractive. Even when I was young and beautiful, I’d meet guys, hear them say flattering things to each other about me…and meet them somewhere a week or two later and it would be like they’d never seen me.

It’s an odd feeling. For someone who has issues with feeling like reality isn’t all that real, it’s a little unsettling. Feelings of invisibility tend to get triggered a lot. I get a bit untethered. Insubstantial. Drift off. I’ve got the patent on ethereal.

It’s not something I know how to react to. Most of the time, it’s just funny. Still, though, if I am having a bad day and then end up with the invisibility cloak on, it can be hard on the ego.

Most of us want to feel like we have made some sort of connection with people. When people don’t remember me, I feel like it’s a failure on my part to make that connection. Too much silence will do that.

Maybe I just need a hug.