I never done good things
I never done bad things
I never did anything out of the blue,
–David Bowie/Ashes to Ashes
I have great difficulty moderating my behavior. My temperament skews to extremes sometimes. I seem all bland on the outside, but on the inside I might be wondering what someone would do if I punched them in the face. Oh, I never do. I just wonder about it.
Even innocent behaviors like bathing are a problem. I like a good hot bath. Super hot. This means that often when I get out of the tub, I am…fainty.
Hot water too hot. Dizzy. Pulse racing. Lay down before I fall down. If you sit on my bed, and it’s damp, I haven’t had an accident, I’ve just had the bath water up turned up too high, resulting in an emergency post-bath lie down with my feet on the headboard.
There is a very good chance that some day I’ll be found dead, naked in the bathroom after passing out and cracking my head open on the bathtub or the tile. Maybe I should have gone with resilient flooring…
Wow. That took an unintended morbid direction. Not uncommon with me. I am very morbid. Death is a hobby of mine.
And other behaviors? Ones that are maybe less innocuous? Yeah. I have those too.
EatingDrinkingDrugsFood
Whiskeyvodkatequilabeer
Some is never enough.
Just ask those of us who helped Rick celebrate his birthday all weekend.
You can tell who we are–we are the ones whose asses are still dragging today. The ones who valiantly attempted to drink all of the wine, beer, vodka and whiskey in the Tigard area over a three day period. The ones hitting the humidor just a little too hard. By Sunday we were all just a teeny bit strung out. Our livers are demanding new hosts. Still. It was fun weekend.
The food was delicious,too. Thank you, Chelle, for being the one sane and relatively sensible note to the weekend. Well, except for the cheese dip.
But.
But.
Aren’t you eventually supposed to stop partying quite so hard? We have nothing to prove: we partied through the 80’s. Our party cred is strong. Football season is sacred, of course, but shouldn’t we take it easy the rest of the year? (I know, I know…shouldn’t is ironically a shouldn’t.)
Instead, we’re plotting ways to increase our consumption while still staying alert. I do not think that is a sensible, moderate approach.
Of course, I am the one who sensibly got rid of all of my piercings but compensated with tattoos. Sensible is not one of my strengths, I’m afraid.
Which, honestly, is mostly a good thing. I’m financially responsible and gainfully employed. I have a Roth IRA, a well-stocked 403b and a full pension. I pay my bills.
I figure I can be whimsical and offbeat in all of the other ways.
All? OK. Maybe not all.
I just told someone I’ve never snorted lines off of a naked hooker. So that’s something.
To aspire to?
No. No. No.
I’m having trouble concentrating now. It’s probably irreversible dain bramage caused by Fireball. Or the massive depression caused by a weekend long party draining every last bit of serotonin out of my body.
Great.
I’m going to go take a hot bath. Yes, I’ll be careful.
Update: I survived the bath, but mostly because I had an idea as soon as I got in the tub, so I got out to write it down (because that’s what scribblers do) and by the time I got back in it was a normal human temperature.
Also? Know what? Fuck moderation. Fuck sensible and the horse it rode in on. Fuck common sense, and screw rational.