I won’t tell your secrets
Your secrets are safe with me
I will keep your secrets (yes, I will)
Just think of me as the pages in your diary
–Alicia Keys/Diary
Everyone has secrets.
Even people who are open books.
I would never read a partner’s mail, emails, text messages. Not because I don’t think he has secrets, but because everyone does. I would be angry if I discovered someone was reading mine. Hell, I wouldn’t be thrilled even if he asked first.
It gets slippery with all of the phones and other mobile devices. Where I draw the line personally is if a device is face up on a table and beeps or buzzes and I look at it and see a message, that’s OK.
So, if his phone beeped, and it was sitting out and he was in the other room or outside, I would pick it up to see who called and bring him the phone to be polite, but it would never occur to me to just browse through his phone looking for…evidence of something. Well, OK. It might occur to me, but I would never do it.
It would be like opening a letter. I just wouldn’t open someone else’s mail no matter how girly the stationary or handwriting was. I might feel compelled to text him and tease a little about it though.
If you look through even the most trustworthy person’s email or messages you will find something. Maybe they were complaining about the bad mood you were in to their friend on Facebook. Perhaps they texted someone about how hot the new guy at work is. Maybe they said something about the hideous sweater you won’t throw away. My point? Go looking, and maybe you deserve to see what you find.
As a person who has some issues around trust, I empathize.
On the other hand, everyone has a level of mistrust that they can accept from a partner. Some people have no trouble sharing passwords to everything. Others would never dream of giving their email or bank or facebook password to their lover. (Waves, hi. That’s me)
Some people are OK with a jealous lover forbidding them to ever see friends they might consider as rivals. Others would never tolerate it. Some people are even polyamorous, which has got to be a complicated way to live.
Me? A little jealousy is fine. Good, even. Enough to feel like I belong to somebody romantically. Not so much that I can’t go and have a drink with a male friend.
If I said “hey, my ex asked me to go camping with him for 4 days” I would really hope I would get a displeased frown as a response before before saying “I’ m not going!”
It’s not that there is a right or wrong answer, but the level has to be mutually agreed upon.
Oh hell. I was supposed to be writing about secrets.
Well, it’s a long walk back. I guess I will just have to stay.
How did I get over here in Jealousy?