This conversation would be a lot more fun if you were participating in it.
I’m sorry–what were you saying?
Oh, never mind. It isn’t important.
No, really. What is it?
The moment has passed, it’s OK.
Don’t be like that.
Like what?
Petulant.
Petulant? Thanks. I was trying to be considerate since you are working. It just wasn’t worth repeating.
What do you want to rant about now?
Want to? Actually, I didn’t want to. Hence the “never mind” and “not important.”
You are being kind of passive aggressive, don’t you think?
Considerate would be the word I’d use. I’m apparently on some sort of petulant yet passive aggressive roll today. I appreciate you letting me know about it. I might never have known otherwise.
If you tell me that wasn’t sarcastic, I will punch you in the nuts.
I don’t have nuts.
Willfully missing the point? Can you concede sarcasm and being overly literal?
Conceded. IF…
If?
If you will concede that you are acting like a dick and apologize for referring for referring to the person who asked you if you wanted a glass of wine as petulant and passive aggressive.
You were offering me a drink?
I was. I tried asking you several times.
Is it too late now?
It depends on the sincerity of your groveling when you apologize.
I’m sorry, but I am not very good at apologies. Or groveling.
Or listening. Wow, you aren’t kidding about not being good at it. You must not want any wine. Or a salty dog. Or a blow job. Like, ever again.
Maybe I should practice a bit and try later. I like all of the things you just mentioned. A lot.
Uh huh. I mean, sure, you can get a bartender to bring you the drinks…but I am not going to be tolerant of someone else taking over sexual favors.
OK. You’re right. We can fix this. I am thinking of an offer that you might find acceptable.
Seriously? You are going to try to make a deal to get out of apologizing?
It’s my nature to make deals. I think we can make this into a mutually beneficial transaction.
Let me hear it.
I will provide an adequate but not stellar apology, then I will bring you a drink, and take you out to dinner.
We were going out to dinner anyway. Apology, drink, dinner wherever I want to go here in town, I get to pick the movie and we both put all electronic devices away for the night.
Agreed, with a few amendments: if we need to look up something related to the movie, we are allowed to do so if we put the phone away immediately. And we bring a phone in the car in case of emergency.
Deal. I’m a little surprised you didn’t try for any sexual favors. Or offer any.
That was very civilized of us. I’m very sorry I called you petulant and passive aggressive. You are neither, and I love you.
That was very good. Apology accepted. Please ask the bartender to bring me a tequila greyhound while I consider dinner.
Oui, Madame. I hope Madame will be happy with the service in this establishment.
The waiter smells really good…do you think he puts out?