It is true that I write a lot about men losing interest in me. My imaginary conversations about it seem to always end well. That isn’t the case in real life though.
There are a lot of times when I go out on a date or two with someone and it seems very promising. I have a good time. He seems to have a good time. The next day, there’s an exchange of texts indicating that we are both interested in seeing each other again. There is a flurry of communication for a few days. Then maybe a date gets scheduled and canceled. Then an occasional flirtatious call or text every week or two. Suggestions that we should get together soon, followed by the sound of crickets when I suggest specific days I am available. Or they want to play it by ear. Then after a few months of that, nothing.
Always an indignant denial if I question their level of interest.
Sometimes people get busy. When someone is interested in you and they’re busy, they might call from the car because it is the only time they have. They do stay in touch, or try to.
Sometimes people live a little too far away to see you on a regular basis. When they are interested, you still hear from them even if you might not see them regularly. You can tell they are interested because they stay in touch. They want to make plans to get together.
When it comes right down to it though, when I get the feeling that someone isn’t interested it is generally because they aren’t. Maybe they are seeing someone else, maybe they decided I was too something or not something enough. Maybe they fell off the planet and sprained their texting finger.
Or maybe they are just demonstrating their interest in some sort of subtle way that I am unable to detect. A way that does not involve being in the same place with me, talking to me on the phone, texting or communicating in some other way. Perhaps they are all from very advanced civilizations in which everyone communicates without talking or being in each other’s presence.
What I think happens is that I turn into their back up player. Their bench warmer date of last resort. So they text me when all else fails. Or maybe they are hoping they will get a better offer and ask me out for that evening if no better offers do come up.
There’s nothing wrong with a spontaneous invitation. I love them. Making plans is a really good way to show you are interested, though. And refusing to make plans is a red flag to me.
If someone isn’t interested in me, or if they don’t know how to demonstrate that they are?
I lose interest too.
Shrug. It goes both ways. And I am definitely not going to be anyone’s third string date.
I would rather stay on the bench.