Category: Random thoughts

I can’t handle how the hell it happens every day
When you smile and touch my face
You make it all just go away
Yes I know there ain’t no finish line, 
I know this never ends
But I’m just learning how to fall, 
climb back up again
–Everclear/Learning How To Smile

That’s all there is to it.
Fall. Get back up again.
Repeat as needed.
It’s simple.
I hear you laughing.
Simple and easy are synonyms,
But they don’t always mean the same thing.
Wait, but isn’t that what a synonym is?
Yes, but not all synonyms are.
Synonyms.
Sometimes they are more like related words.

Still…
Fall. Get back up again.
Smile.
Simple.
I’ve been practicing.
It can be done,
but you should see the bruises!
When you fall and get back up again
as often as I do,
You need to leave your dignity behind,
and laugh at yourself a lot.

Leave me alone, I know when I have a fever! Whenever rum smells like a carnation, I’ve got a fever!
–Loco/How To Marry A Millionaire

Proust had his Madeleines, Loc had her rum.  Me? Pencil shavings.

Every once in awhile, I find myself asking people if they smell pencil shavings. Normally that gets me a strange look, followed by “no, why would I smell pencil shavings?” Then I have to explain. When I smell pencil shavings, I am going to get a migraine. Even before the classic visual aura, I get an olfactory hallucination. Pencil shavings. To be specific, it is the smell of the pencil shavings inside those hand cranked pencil sharpeners that used to be on the walls of every classroom. Maybe they still are. 

Back in the bad old days, it meant I had about 40 minutes until a really bad headache hit me. Since that meant losing a good chunk of my peripheral vision, it also meant leaving wherever I was so I could still see to drive home. If I was lucky, I could delay it or cut down the severity of I had a cup of very strong coffee and a cigarette immediately. 

Now, I have drugs that will  keep me from getting a headache at all most of the time. 

It’s fascinating to me that my own brain can play such a trick on me. What good do you suppose it does me to smell pencil shavings? What’s the evolutionary gain? Or are pencil shaving smellers doomed in some way? The visual disturbances could be of some utility. In the days before migraine medication, the visual aura would tell me to go somewhere dark, and go horizontal.  When the pain it, it wouldn’t be quite as bad. 

Pencil shavings? They make me feel slightly sneezy. Hardly an evolutionary boon. 

The phenomenon is called phantosmia. Google tells me that phantosmias are rare. Less than 1% of migraine patients report them. Usually the odors are unpleasant. Burning or smoky smells are the most common, followed by decomposition or sewage odors. My own doctor said that none of her migraine patients have ever mentioned smell hallucinations, but I wonder if that’s because doctors don’t usually ask about it?

Anyway. 

I  took my migraine medicine. The pencil shavings are fading away. I’m feeling a little stupid, like I do on migraine meds. 

My point?

Well…I don’t know? Do I need to have one? Imaginary  pencils that get sharpened have imaginary points. 

So does my blog. 

Jane: those shoes are really cute. 

Me: …and tall. I think I am taller than you in them. 

Jane: No. I am still taller. 

Me: No. I am. 

Jane: I will have my manager settle this. 

The manager, being a bright man, called it a tie. However, he said my shoes did give me some edge. 
Which means that I won, because edgy shoes always win. 

He hardly even rolled his eyes. He must be used to working with insane people.