An imaginary conversation about premature excitement

So I met someone I really had fun talking to the other day.

Where did you meet?

The usual top secret online location.

Oh.

Try not to sound so openly disgusted.

I thought you meant you’d really met someone.

Yeah, I should figure out a way to be more clear about that. How ’bout “I online met someone fun the other day?”

Better, but the whole online dating thing still baffles me.

You aren’t the only one. It baffles some of the people doing it, too.

You keep saying that.

This guy didn’t seem baffled. He was funny, could use actual words and threw a cold reference to “Get Happy” at me.

Elvis Costello?

Yep.

Uh-oh.

Right?

You realize that a mutual love of a certain performer is not an indicator of compatibility.

No?

No.

Huh. Well it doesn’t matter because I told him about my blog so it’s over.

What do you mean?

It’s sort of a jinx.

In what way?

Remember the guy who read the whole thing end to end? And the other guy who got so freaked out that he texted me in the middle of the night to tell me he didn’t want to see me again because I was too much?

Yeah, but you weren’t into either of them.

True, but wouldn’t reading my blog mean that he’ll have all of my secrets ahead of time?

So?

So it’s like giving someone an emotional gun pointed right at my head.

You don’t think that’s overstating things?

Don’t I always?

Not infrequently.

Well, anyway my thinking at the time was that if he read it and hated me in it then I’d rather know now.

Like what the hell?

Yeah. I am reinforcing my belief that trust should be my default position.

But some people suck.

So I’ve noticed. But some people don’t. Most people are at least decent human beings. A few are human beings who don’t think I’m some kind of weirdo.

But you *are* some kind of weirdo.

OK, then. A few are human beings who like me because I’m the kind of weirdo they like.

Or love.

Right. Ultimately, someone should love me because I’m their kind of weirdo.

You make it sound…

Weird?

I was trying not to say it.

It’s OK. I know I’m weird.

But why do you think it’s bad if someone meets you via your writing before they meet you in person?

I’m not quite sure I do think it’s bad. It could lead to being prejudged though.

Doesn’t everything?

I guess.

I’d be more worried about getting too excited before you meet in person.

I thought about that. I decided to be as excited as I am. No more and no less.

You don’t think you’ll be disappointed if it doesn’t work out?

Yes.

So why not rein it in?

Because I can’t selectively rein in my feelings. I either let them all happen or keep them all from happening.

What about balance?

Shut up.

Don’t hate me because I pointed out the importance of balance.

I don’t hate you. It’s just that I have a history with emotions.

Doesn’t everyone?

Yeah, but I turned mine off for a few decades. I don’t want that to happen again. It was hard switching them on again.

No, but I don’t want you to get all excited and then be hurt if it doesn’t work out.

Me either. But I’d rather be excited and get hurt than not be excited about anything ever just so I don’t ever get hurt.

That makes sense.

It does for me. Other people may have better luck trying that balance shit you mentioned.

You do you.

It’s all I can do!

Say something...you know you want to!