When I was a child
I caught a fleeting glimpse
Out of the corner of my eye
I turned to look but it was gone
I cannot put my finger on it now
The child is grown
The dream is gone
I have become comfortably numb.
–Comfortably Numb/Pink Floyd
Being comfortable gets sort of a bad rap lately. You can definitely be stuck in a comfort zone that keeps you from progressing, but being comfortable doesn’t automatically mean being stagnant.
Comfortable can be cozy. Like cuddling up on the sofa with a book and a fuzzy blanket…or a movie and a snuggly man…or drinking coffee in a warm bed on a cold, cold morning.
Comfortable can mean at ease. Unafraid to say what you think, or act the way you want to. Not to act at all, but to be yourself. That kind of comfortable takes some work. It takes some willingness to confront the comfort zones of other people. It takes a willingness to allow people not to like you.
Of course, what seems to happen is that people like you all the more. You learn that all that being uncomfortable was just a waste of time.
I hope.
That’s what happens, right?
At some point?
I’m not going to keep feeling like I will never be good enough for anything or anyone? Because rationally, I know that isn’t true..but it sure as fuck isn’t what it feels like right now.
Sometimes I really wonder if it is worth all the effort that goes into not being comfortably numb. I really do. Perhaps this would be a good time for a big crying jag and a good night’s sleep.
Yeah. That is probably what I need.
Sleep.
In the morning everything will start over the way it always does.